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Nil Satis

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About Nil Satis

  • Birthday 08/11/2006

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    martin.47@hotmail.com

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  1. Bob came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white Robe. "Who the hell are you?" demanded Bob, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?" The mysterious man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter." Bob was stunned "You mean I'm dead?? That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family, you've got to send me back straight away." St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen." Bob was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground. "This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?" "It's not so bad" replies Bob, "but I have this strange feeling Inside like I'm about to explode." "You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?" "Never!" replies Bob. "Well just relax and let it happen So he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him, ever! The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting... "Bob, wake up you drunken sod, you've shit the bed!"
  2. :) :) I have just signed up with the 'Lostprophets Team' black and white kit and a team full of stars, mostly Everton. Hopefully I will have a succesful season this year, I finished about Mid - Table last year.
  3. Nil Satis

    Blondes...

    A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes. Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?" The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!" -------------------------- A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something." Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
  4. Alex Nyarko, Per Kroldrup, Abel Xavier, Lei Wei Feng, Alex Cleland
  5. Nil Satis

    Pricks

    Whats the difference between a cactus an Anfield? On a cactus the pricks are on the outside!!!
  6. Lostprophets - Everyday Combat My Chem - Famous Last Words Lordi - Blood Red Sandman My Chem - Teenagers
  7. Lostprophets - Rooftops from my MySpace page.
  8. MANHUNT 2 : BREAKS THE RECORD AS THE FIRST GAME TO BE COMPLETELY BANNED : WE KNEW IT WOULD BE ROCKSTAR DIDN'T WE? Well after the murder of a 14 year old boy the game 'Manhunt' was given a bad name. The game includes escaping from an asylum and killing people brutally. The sequel was supposed to be even more violent and became the first game EVER to be completely banned from sale in the UK. People caught selling the game could get a jail sentance and a fine of £200,000. What do you think about the game getting banned? Some games have been asked to be changed. Most recently when GTA SA had an easter egg called 'Hot Coffee' when you had sex with your current girlfriend, even though the video of the level was made public on youtube. Link to statement from the company who bans games (I forgot the name of them) http://technology.timesonline.co.uk/tol/ne...icle1957433.ece
  9. Well, we had five games in a six side group. I managed to keep a clean sheet in every match but as we only scored 1 goals we were knocked out in the group stage. We won the local derby match against Ashton Athletic 1-0. The scouts left after the third game so they did not see much of the tournement. Sadly though we went out after only getting 7 points. But I was happy, I was scouted and kept a clean sheet in every game :D :D
  10. Hi, I was recnetly at an Everton tournement and was scouted to play for Everton Acadamy in goal. I am only 14 but am looking foreward to the chance of a pro career. :D Nil Satis
  11. I like to go for the unusual ones, everyone gets Arteta and Lescott so I might get someone like Anichebe or Neville. Or my fav. Joey Yobo although I don't like having defenders on the back of my shirt. I feel weird playing and scoring with Yobo on the back! I might just settle for my name. White 29.
  12. Nil Satis

    Ages

    Okay, this is simple, you find out a filmstar, musician or footballers birthday and post the answer here. Please wait for conformation that you are right before posting another question and only the person who asked the question can confirm the answer.Understood? I'll begin How old is: Clint Eastwood (Birthday 31st May)
  13. Nil Satis

    Fool

    Read the green. It talks about the real woman. It means that the person in the picture was FALSE.
  14. Nil Satis

    Fool

    No it dosen't it just says that the picture is a fake. The incident really happened.
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