The garry nevill diaries....

[Ian]

 

Wednesday

Puke Young is total pants and he plays for a nothing team I've never even heard of but he played the most important position in football (right-back) for the second best team in the world ever tonight. I had a little bit of sick watching him at Old Trafford, but at least he didn't get to play with David. I hate it when anyone else plays with David.

 

He was really, really rubbish against Poland and doesn't even have a moustache. I will get back in the team easily and Puke Young will not go to the World Cup. If he does, I shall go on international strike and then Sir will be happy and like me as much as Paul Scholes and that means he'll never, ever, ever make me sit on the bench with Sweary Tim.

 

I did cry a little bit when I watched Puke Young, but not as much as Silly Billy Philly, who didn't play even though England needed a defensive midfielder, a left-back and, most importantly, a right-back. That will teach him for joining N-Everton (ha ha).

 

 

Thursday

Puke Young got 7s and 8s out of ten in the newspapers for his England 'performance'! I would have given him 2. Here are Manchester United legend Gary Neville's own marks out of ten...

 

Paul Robinson: 4 (Well protected by Rio. Edwin would have saved the goal)

Puke Young: 2 (Really, really rubbish. England missed the brilliant Gary Neville)

Rio Ferdinand: 10 (Brilliant)

John Terry: 4 (Okay)

Jamie Carragher: 3 (Scouse)

Shaun Wrong-Phillips: 2 (Not as good as David)

Ledley King: 4 (Didn't really notice him)

Frank Lampost: 3 (Set-pieces rubbish without David)

Joe Cole: 4 (Okay. Can't grow moustache)

Wayne Rooney: 10 (Fantastic)

Michael Owen: 5 (Okay)

 

Substitutes

Peter Crouch: 2 (Tall)

Alan Smith: 9 (Brilliant two minutes)

Jermaine Jenas: 2 (Didn't notice him)

 

I gave the paper boy a Chinese burn.

 

 

Friday

"Gary Neville is the established right-back but we would all like to think Luke's performances have given the manager a decision to make."

 

WHAAAAAAAAAAAT? Who is Alan Curbishley anyway? I told mum what that boy said and she said I had to calm down or there'd be no Angel Delight after tea. I chased her around the kitchen appealing the decision (slowly, I'm still injured) and now she's going to ring his mum.

 

Called Sir 12 times today and said Manchester United should play with a back three tomorrow against some rubbish team as nobody can replace me at right-back. It would be better to play with ten men. I hope he listens to his answer machine - he never answers on the number he gave me.

 

 

Saturday

Not fair, not fair, not fair - Sir played a 'right-back' and I saw him put his arm around his shoulder before the game. I bet he even let him put the cones out and wash the bibs. And I bet he didn't even crochet him a doily with his initials (SAF). Or pretend Darren Fletcher is good.

 

Silly Billy Philly Bardsley was really, really rubbish though. It was his fault that other team scored a goal and it was his fault that we only scored three. I nearly did a sex wee every time he did a bad pass, but mum says I have to stop ruining my undiepants.

 

 

Sunday

I went to see that Bardsley boy to tell him who is the right-back at the best team in the world ever and that he will end up at N-Everton with that other Silly Billy Philly if he tries to take my place or I see him outside Sir's house at night.

 

N-Everton are bottom of the league - ha ha ha ha ha ha - I ring up Phil every day to tell him and send him text messages (U R BTTM - HA HA HA) and e-mails and I shout it at his house sometimes. His wife tells me to go away, but everyone knows girls know nothing about football. And they smell.

 

 

Monday

Told Sir that I should play against Lille but he says I should think of Manchester United and rest my groin. He obviously doesn't know how I injured my groin...

 

 

 

http://www.football365.com/features/fun_fe...ry_166074.shtml

Edited October 19, 2005 by ianthetoffee

[Pat]

.........Enjoyably Light hearted.