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Jokes thread


Avinalaff

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In a recent online survey, 90% of men admitted to masturbating regularly.

 

The other 10% hit the wrong button with their left hand.

 

 

--------------------------------------------------------------

 

Kevin-Prince Boateng has kicked a ball at a section of the AC Milan crowd because they were racially abusing him.

 

It's a good job Robin Van Persie wasn't in the crowd, he could have been killed.

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None of these offered much humor apart from the fourth one about Irish cliff walkers, and even that only generated a short lived smirk.

 

I'd maybe offer some jokes or humor myself, but I'm not one for it, and above all else, I don't think they'd be printable.

 

Maybe the jokes thread is to post jokes in, and be jolly, and not to be a miserable sod by making a post just to moan? Grammar Police.gif

 

Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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  • 2 weeks later...

One morning, His Majesty the lion calls all the animals in the jungle to a meeting.

 

"Right," says the lion, "I want every one of you to go out hunting and bring me back as much meat as you can. Anyone who fails to bring me meat I will batter to death with my dick!"

 

Later that day, a rabbit turns up with a basket of carrots.

 

"You have to understand, Your Majesty, I'm a rabbit, I can't hunt, but I've brought you a basket of carrots."

 

The lion towers over the rabbit and starts battering it with his dick.

 

The rabbit cries, laughs, cries, laughs, cries, laughs ...

 

"Why are you crying?" says the lion.

 

"It hurts," says the rabbit.

 

"And why the fuck are you laughing?" says the lion.

 

"I've just seen the hedgehog," says the rabbit, "and he's gathering mushrooms.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

One morning, a Hell's Angel goes into a coffee bar and orders a large cappuccino. As he is about to leave, he asks the waitress for his bill.

 

"Two pounds sixty," she says.

 

The Hell's Angel produces 260 penny coins, drops them on the floor and leaves.

 

This happens every morning for the next few days until one morning the Hell's Angel wants to pay with a fiver. Gotcha, thinks the waitress, who has been waiting for this day to get her revenge: she drops 240 pennies onto the floor.

 

"Your change," she says with a smug little smile.

 

The Hell's Angel produces a 20 pence coin and places it on the table.

 

"Another large cappuccino, please."

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One morning, a Hell's Angel goes into a coffee bar and orders a large cappuccino. As he is about to leave, he asks the waitress for his bill.

 

"Two pounds sixty," she says.

 

The Hell's Angel produces 260 penny coins, drops them on the floor and leaves.

 

This happens every morning for the next few days until one morning the Hell's Angel wants to pay with a fiver. Gotcha, thinks the waitress, who has been waiting for this day to get her revenge: she drops 240 pennies onto the floor.

 

"Your change," she says with a smug little smile.

 

The Hell's Angel produces a 20 pence coin and places it on the table.

 

"Another large cappuccino, please."

 

Lol. rofl.gif

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One morning, a Hell's Angel goes into a coffee bar and orders a large cappuccino. As he is about to leave, he asks the waitress for his bill.

 

"Two pounds sixty," she says.

 

The Hell's Angel produces 260 penny coins, drops them on the floor and leaves.

 

This happens every morning for the next few days until one morning the Hell's Angel wants to pay with a fiver. Gotcha, thinks the waitress, who has been waiting for this day to get her revenge: she drops 240 pennies onto the floor.

 

"Your change," she says with a smug little smile.

 

The Hell's Angel produces a 20 pence coin and places it on the table.

 

"Another large cappuccino, please."

Class Zoo, pure class!rofl.gif
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Original `Mr and Mrs` Presenter Derek Batey has died.

 

Did his Wife, on hearing the news:

 

A)Break down in tears?

 

B)Shrug her shoulders?

 

C)Dance for joy as he was heavily insured?

 

 

 

 

Spoiler tags as it may cause offence...

Edited by Zoo
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  • 1 month later...

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