Zoo 2.0

Had VVD in his pocket all game, if only that naughty Jordan Pickford hadn't snapped his ACL back in 1904 then he would have stood a chance. DCL is boss.

Dyche in a suit, 3-0 Brentford. Dyche in a trakkie, 73-0 to us.

In what has been teams filled with shite, one thing has been consistent - that I fucking love Jordan Pickford. I'll be honest he could be playing at a much higher level than us, he's an outstanding goalkeeper and like @Romey 1878 would be made up if when he called it a day it was whilst wearing an Everton kit.

I think we've slipped into the Everton multiverse mate. Back on Planet Earth, year 2024 we've just been dicked by a 98th minute Darwin Nunez penalty.

SO COME ON COME ON GET DOWN TO GOODISON PARK WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Wouldn't touch him with a barge pole, he's a right spunk goblin. Didn't rate him at all with Bournemouth, didn't rate him with Sheffield United and was surprised that he got the level up to Arsenal. He's viral and considered a good 'keeper because he turns to the crowd and does a little fist pump when he takes a goal kick. All the kids on LAD Bible love it, as for actually being a goalkeeper he's painfully average - not surprised in the slightest that Arteta dropped him sharpish and brought in Raya. Genuinely wouldn't have him here, and I'm well aware we're shit too.

He's such a supercharged gimp.

No - with Bayer drawing against West Ham the other day they've officially been undefeated the longest out of any club in the top 5 leagues of Europe. Nobody has been undefeated both domestically and in Europe across a season either. It would be an impressive achievement with Bayern given how long the run has gone on for, its absolutely insane what he's done with Leverkusen who were battling relegation when he took over. Despite his ties to Liverpool, I'm so intrigued by what Xabi Alonso does with his career. He's clearly another world class manager in the making.

He wasn't good enough and they're a club in and around the Champions League places. Football is a business and they do business well, much better than us sadly. His off field issues were not known until his interview with Gary Neville. Spurs were right to move him on, 100%.

The least the team can do is apologise to the supporters that travelled down tonight.

I'm no fan of Dyche but you give Guardiola the job tomorrow and we're not pulling any trees up. The club is absolutely riddled with fuckery from top to bottom, and this is just a by-product of how bad we are.

4-0. Fuck it I'm supporting Chelsea. Hahahaha get in, what a bunch of sticky toffees am I right?! Chelsea Chelsea Chelsea! In Poch we Trust! Drogba, Zola etc.

Just stuck my testicles in the fridge door and slammed it shut which funnily enough was more enjoyable than this shite. Spare a thought for the people that went down to London, on a Monday and paid to watch this in the flesh. They'd be much better staying at home and buying a fridge.

Hahahahaha, it's almost comical. Fucking hell.

Professional footballer in the six yard box mate, the cross could have been heading into outer space for all I care it doesn't take a genius to keep it on target. It was a diabolical miss from a striker who is putting together a catalogue of them.

Don't get me wrong this isn't a shout to sack Dyche, but they can't be playing for him looking at this. Tarkowski and Mykolenko are absolutely tragic for that second goal, musical statues. Chelsea are actually going to take the piss here too, Palmer is nailed on for a hat-trick, question is does he do it before or after half-time. Moshiri and that bloke who wears a baseball cap and a suit at the same time - fuck off the pair of you.

I can't be arsed lads. Just fold the club, we are supercharged AIDS.

Stamford Bridge is always a bit of a bloodbath to be fair. I might be wrong but feels like we haven't won there since 1712.

Don't like getting on players backs but fuck me Beto, looks like someone who's bought a scratchcard a won a prize of playing in a Premier League game. Inside the six-yard box and gets it over the bar, hitting it with his fucking knee. Jesus absolute wept. Defensively shite also; Branthwaite, Onana, Tarkowski all on toast and Palmer slots it in. Make it stop.

Queue the weird Twitter Evertonians who will go into meltdown over this. I'm just happy to see that he's clearly on the road to recovery from what is a very traumatic set of experiences. fIt eNoUgH fOr tHe tV bUt nOt uS!!!

I'm sure people have said this/have been feeling this but relegation is the least of our worries. Even if we survive this season, we're a club on life support. The current owner doesn't want to own the club and those that do can't afford it (and if they did have ownership, would probably be busy asset stripping anyway). It's hard to see where any positivity looks realistic with Everton, it's like we're fighting with all our might to take one step forward whilst an almighty wind is pushing us seventeen steps back.