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Random Jokage


Lowensda

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I came across this cracking website tother day called Sickipedia, its full of non pc and quite ludacris jokes. However there are some really really funny ones!

Here's the link: http://www.sickipedia.org/

 

And here's some of my faves (Hopefully not offensive)

 

1.

My wife told me that she wanted to give me a deep throat blow job today.

 

"Really!?"

 

"No," she replied, "April Fogarbnsrgabsjg...."

 

That'll teach her to try to be funny...

 

 

2.

My girlfriend asked me if I had ever pissed in the shower.

 

I said, "Yeah, a couple of times, accidentally."

 

She said, "That's disgusting! What do you mean accidentally?!"

 

"Hey," I said, "these things happen when you're having a shit."

 

 

3.

I was sucking off this bird last night when I thought, "Wait a minute..."

 

 

4.

I got out of the shower and my wife said, "Ooo look, it's like a penis ... only smaller".

 

I said, "Ooo look, it's like my secretary ... only fatter and less flexible".

 

 

5.

I wonder what Cambridge University Netball Team abbreviate their name to?

 

 

6.

I was having dinner with MC Hammer and Chico last night when I asked if anyone had the time.

 

It was absolute carnage.

 

 

7.

I went to the doctor's the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female, drop-dead gorgeous!

 

I was embarrassed but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional - I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll help you in any way I can."

 

I said, "I think my cock tastes funny..."

 

 

8.

My wife said to me, "I'm fed up with you being so lazy, pack your bags and leave."

 

I said, "You pack them."

 

 

Feel free to add your favourites below:- :lol:

Edited by tenaciousj
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  • 3 weeks later...

Went hiking with my mate the other day, half way to the summit I fell, slipping a disc in my spine. He looked at me and grinned saying "I guess you could call this 'Brokeback' mountain".

 

"Very funny, but I haven't broken my back."

 

"I know, but I'm about to fuck you."

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Offensive - So don't read if you're easily offended...

 

 

The sun is shining, it's really warm and there's not a cloud in the sky. No noise or pollution from planes flying overhead. Think I'll stroll down to the pub by the river for a cool pint or two... everyone's relaxed, the girls are in skimpy clothes and no cunt is asking me for donations.

 

I hope you're watching, Haiti, Chile, China, Pakistan.... This is how us white folks do a natural disaster!

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  • 2 weeks later...

I was supposed to go on a date last night, and the girl I was meeting called me this morning, very upset that I didn't show up.

I said, "Sorry about that, I suffer from premature ejaculation."

"Well that's very unfortunate," she replied, "but if you were embarrased about something you could have turned up and explained it to me."

 

"I wasn't embarrased about it," I explained, "I came in my pants on the way to the restaurant, and suddenly didn't see the point in paying for your dinner."

Edited by tenaciousj
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OFFENSIVE ***

 

I was stood at the urinal when a black guy stood next to me.

 

I turned to him and said, "I fucking hate you black bastards!"

 

He looked at me, obviously hurt, and said, "Why? I'm a human being just like you. I have a family, I have a job, I pay tax. Why let stereotypes dictate how you treat people? Why so much hatred for someone that you don't even know?"

 

Then he looked down at my cock and said, "Oh... fair enough, mate."

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