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Ian
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Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?

A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

 

Q. What do you call a Manchester United fan with half a brain?

A: Gifted.

 

Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they've been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit.

 

 

Michael Barrymore has offered Manchester United £1 million pounds to play as their striker because he wants 10 pricks behind him and 67,000 assholes jumping up and down.

 

Q: Why can't you get a cup of tea at Old Trafford?

A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Anfield.

 

A couple were going through the traumatic throes of a divorce when the subject of the custody of their 4-year-old became the contended point. The judge said that since the lad's future was at stake he would like to see the young boy alone in chambers. Once in chambers, the judge asked if the boy understood what was happening. The 4-year said, "Yes sir, my mammy and daddy won't be living together any more." "That's correct my boy" said the judge "And would you like to live with mammy?" "No" replied the boy. "Why not?" asked the judge. "Because she beats me!" said the lad. "Hmm" said the judge, "Would you like to live with your daddy then?" Again the boy answered "No". Again the judge asked "Why not?" And the little lad replied "Because he beats me too." "Well then, who do you want to live with?" queried the judge. The young boy quickly replied "Everton, sir." "Why Everton FC?" Asked the puzzled judge. "Because they don't beat anybody" the boy simply replied.

 

:D:D:blink:

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A couple were going through the traumatic throes of a divorce when the subject of the custody of their 4-year-old became the contended point. The judge said that since the lad's future was at stake he would like to see the young boy alone in chambers. Once in chambers, the judge asked if the boy understood what was happening. The 4-year said, "Yes sir, my mammy and daddy won't be living together any more." "That's correct my boy" said the judge "And would you like to live with mammy?" "No" replied the boy. "Why not?" asked the judge. "Because she beats me!" said the lad. "Hmm" said the judge, "Would you like to live with your daddy then?" Again the boy answered "No". Again the judge asked "Why not?" And the little lad replied "Because he beats me too." "Well then, who do you want to live with?" queried the judge. The young boy quickly replied "Everton, sir." "Why Everton FC?" Asked the puzzled judge. "Because they don't beat anybody" the boy simply replied.

 

:D   :(   :(

 

If that was bout Liverpool or Man utd it wud be funny

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David Hasselhoff went into his local bar and marched right up to Fred the barman.

 

"Listen Fred ive been doing some thinking and i eh, well i dont want you guys calling me Dave or Mr Hasselhoff any more. You know am sick of it. I just wanna be known as The Hoff. Can you do that for me for me Fred?"

 

"Just Hoff then huh?"

 

"Absolutley" repiies David

 

"Sure, no hassle"

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Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?

A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

 

Q. What do you call a Manchester United fan with half a brain?

A: Gifted.

 

Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they've been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit.

Michael Barrymore has offered Manchester United £1 million pounds to play as their striker because he wants 10 pricks behind him and 67,000 assholes jumping up and down.

 

Q: Why can't you get a cup of tea at Old Trafford?

A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Anfield.

 

A couple were going through the traumatic throes of a divorce when the subject of the custody of their 4-year-old became the contended point. The judge said that since the lad's future was at stake he would like to see the young boy alone in chambers. Once in chambers, the judge asked if the boy understood what was happening. The 4-year said, "Yes sir, my mammy and daddy won't be living together any more." "That's correct my boy" said the judge "And would you like to live with mammy?" "No" replied the boy. "Why not?" asked the judge. "Because she beats me!" said the lad. "Hmm" said the judge, "Would you like to live with your daddy then?" Again the boy answered "No". Again the judge asked "Why not?" And the little lad replied "Because he beats me too." "Well then, who do you want to live with?" queried the judge. The young boy quickly replied "Everton, sir." "Why Everton FC?" Asked the puzzled judge. "Because they don't beat anybody" the boy simply replied.

 

:D   :D   :D

 

Fu*k Off

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David Hasselhoff went into his local bar and marched right up to Fred the barman.

 

"Listen Fred ive been doing some thinking and i eh, well i dont want you guys calling me Dave or Mr Hasselhoff any more. You know am sick of it. I just wanna be known as The Hoff. Can you do that for me for me Fred?"

 

"Just Hoff then huh?"

 

"Absolutley" repiies David

 

"Sure, no hassle"

 

Really did make me laugh out loud

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