The Great Truths

[iggy]

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

 

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise cats.

2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.

3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

4) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

5) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

6) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

7) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

 

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

 

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jelly to a tree.

2) Wrinkles don't hurt.

3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.

6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the joy.

 

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

 

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. (Is this men only?)

2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

4) You know you're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

 

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT SUCCESS:

 

At age 4 success is . . . not wetting your pants.

At age 12 success is . . . having friends.

At age 17 success is . . . having a driving license.

At age 20 success is . . . going all the way.

At age 35 success is . . . having money.

At age 50 success is . . . having money.

At age 60 success is . . . going all the way.

At age 70 success is . . . having a driving license.

At age 75 success is . . . having friends.

At age 80 success is . . . not wetting your pants

[Adams]

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