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Personal Adverts...


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Okay, before we start, this is only meant in a light hearted way! Please do not read anything in to this, and it is not a specific opinion of myself, or for that matter, anybody else! lmao!


Lets just get on with it now... :D


Exact science and language of the Personal Adverts Column.


40-ish - 49


Adventurous - Slept with everyone


Athletic - No tits


Average looking - Ugly


Beautiful - Pathological liar


Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills


Emotionally secure - On medication


Feminist - Fat


Free spirit - Junkie


Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person


Fun - Annoying


New Age - Body hair in the wrong places


Open-minded - Desperate


Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing


Passionate - Sloppy drunk


Professional - Bitch


Voluptuous - Very Fat


Large frame - Hugely Fat


Wants Soul mate - Stalker





1. Yes = No


2. No = Yes


3. Maybe = No


4. We need = I want


5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry


6. We need to talk = you're in trouble


7.Sure, go ahead = you better not


8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later


9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!


10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?





1. I am hungry = I am hungry


2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy


3. I am tired = I am tired


4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!


5. I love you = let's have sex now


6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?


7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you


8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you


9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you


10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you


11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay



And finally.....


A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle. For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged and somewhat masculine features.


However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.





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