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Personal Adverts...


fcssl
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Okay, before we start, this is only meant in a light hearted way! Please do not read anything in to this, and it is not a specific opinion of myself, or for that matter, anybody else! lmao!

 

Lets just get on with it now... :D

 

Exact science and language of the Personal Adverts Column.

 

40-ish - 49

 

Adventurous - Slept with everyone

 

Athletic - No tits

 

Average looking - Ugly

 

Beautiful - Pathological liar

 

Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills

 

Emotionally secure - On medication

 

Feminist - Fat

 

Free spirit - Junkie

 

Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person

 

Fun - Annoying

 

New Age - Body hair in the wrong places

 

Open-minded - Desperate

 

Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing

 

Passionate - Sloppy drunk

 

Professional - Bitch

 

Voluptuous - Very Fat

 

Large frame - Hugely Fat

 

Wants Soul mate - Stalker

 

 

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

 

1. Yes = No

 

2. No = Yes

 

3. Maybe = No

 

4. We need = I want

 

5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry

 

6. We need to talk = you're in trouble

 

7.Sure, go ahead = you better not

 

8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later

 

9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!

 

10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

 

 

MEN'S ENGLISH

 

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

 

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

 

3. I am tired = I am tired

 

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

 

5. I love you = let's have sex now

 

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

 

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you

 

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you

 

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you

 

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you

 

11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

 

 

And finally.....

 

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle. For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged and somewhat masculine features.

 

However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.

 

Enjoy!

 

:D

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