Joke

[GoldfishMemory]

Bob goes into the public restroom and sees this guy standing next to the urinal. The guy has no arms. As Bob's standing there, taking care of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak.

 

Bob finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bob to help him out. Being a kind soul, Bob says, "Ah, OK, sure, I'll help you." The man asks, "Can you unzip my zipper?" Bob says, "OK." Then the man says, "Can you pull it out for me?" Bob replies, "Uh, yeah, OK."

 

Bob pulls it out and it has all kinds of mould and red bumps, with hair clumps, rashes, moles, scabs, scars, and wreaks something awful. Then the guy asks Bob to point it for him, and Bob points for him. Bob then shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up.

 

The guy tells Bob, "Thanks, man, I really appreciate it." Bob says, "No problem, but what the hell's wrong with your penis?" The guy pulls his arms out of his shirt and says, "I don't know, but I ain't touching it."

[GoldfishMemory]

A young man wanted to buy a gift for his girlfriend's birthday. They hadn't been going out very long so he thought long and hard before remembering that on their last couple of dates she had complained that her hands were cold.

 

He decided that a pair of gloves might be appropriate. Not too personal but, nonetheless thoughtful. Accompanied by his girlfriends sister, they went to Harrods and they bought a stylish pair of cream coloured leather gloves.

 

At the same time the sister bought a pair of knickers and they both asked for their purchases to be gift wrapped. Unfortunately, the shop assistant mixed the items up and the guy left with the gift wrapped knickers and the girlfriends sister left with the gloves.

 

The boyfriend, without checking his package decided to deliver his present in person, but when he arrived at his girlfriends house she wasn't in. Instead he posted the present through her front door accompanied by the following note:

 

Happy Birthday darling, I hope you like these. I chose them because I noticed you're not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evenings. Had it not been for your sister, I'd have chosen long ones with white buttons, but she wears short ones and they are easier to pull off. I was worried because they're a delicate shade but the shop assistant showed me the pair she's worn for the past 3 weeks and they're hardly soiled at all. I had her try on yours and though a little tight, they looked really smart. She said that the material helps keep her ring clean and shiny, and in fact she hasn't had to wash it since wearing them. I wish you had been there so I could've put them on for you myself as, no doubt many hands will come in contact with them before I see you again.

 

Just think how many times I'll hold them in my hand over the coming year. When you take them off, remember to blow into them as they will be a little damp from wearing. I hope you'll wear them for me on Friday night.

 

P.S.: The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.

 

Have fun.

[GoldfishMemory]

For quite some time, there’s a man living next door to a beautiful young girl. He curses his lack of confidence, as he’s never said more than hello to the fantastic creature.

 

Then one day, as he returns from work, the girl appears at her front door wearing a flimsy negligee and beckons him over. As she slides her arms around his neck, it’s obvious she’s coming on to him, and the man gets increasingly hot under the collar.

 

All of a sudden she looks up. “Inside, quickly,” she whispers urgently, “I can hear someone coming.”

 

Blind with lust, he follows her indoors where she strips off and stands in front of him, stark naked. “So, honey,” she coos. “What do you think my best attribute is?”

 

“Well,” the man stammers. “It’s... er... got to be your ears.”

 

The woman frowns at him incredulously. “My ears?” she gasps. “But why? Have you ever seen such flawless skin? Such pert breasts? Have you ever set eyes upon such a firm backside?”

 

No – I agree,” says the man.

 

The woman shakes her head, “And yet you say my ears...”

 

“Well it’s like this,” he explains, “when we were outside, you said you could hear someone coming...”

 

“So?” she demands.

 

The man gulps. “Well, that was me.”