If Football Teams Were Women...

[Droobie]

Arsenal - Angelina Jolie

Looks good, a bit maverick at times and you know they have the

potential to really screw you over

 

Aston Villa - Dido

One big hit. Fairly inoffensive really

 

Birmingham City - Mariah Carey

Occasionally interesting, frequently annoying. Supporters are thick

 

Blackburn Rovers - Melanie Sykes

Common as muck Lancy, constantly worrying.

 

Bolton Wanderers - Natalie Imbruglia

Always looks like she might go down but never does

 

Charlton Athletic - Martine McCutcheon

Chirpy Cockney with the ability to spring a few surprises

 

Chelsea - Rachel Stevens

Every bit looks good from all angles. But what is she doing with that prick

 

Everton - Barbara Windsor

Been laughing at those t*ts so long we forget that once upon a time they actually looked quite good

 

Fulham - Andrea Corr

Not bad to look at but not much of her. Seems a bit awestruck with fame

 

Leicester City - Patsy Palmer

Generally a bit crap and second rate really, but some people like her

 

Leeds United - Lisa Scott Lee

Dirty Lee

 

Liverpool - Sophie Ellis Bextor

Individually all the components look fantastic - just doesn't work

when put together.

 

Man City - Madonna

Have been big at times - now lost the plot a bit - ageing stars.

Nice new home though

 

Man United - Jordan

Dominated by t*ts. Screwed by Dwight Yorke. Quite repulsive

really

 

Middlesborough - Tara Palmer Tompkinson

Can look quite good at the back - but nothing at all up front to

speak of.

 

Newcastle United - Christina Aguillera

Can look good. Various unsavoury elements though.

 

Portsmouth - Chrissie Hynde

On the face of it a has-been but you're quite interested in what she's

going to do next

 

Southampton - Kylie Minogue

Sometimes you feel sorry for them, they’re not huge and you've got a

bit of a soft spot.

 

Tottenham - Joan Collins

Used to look good, but living on past glories.

 

and one more...

 

West Ham - Britney Spears

Been threatening to go down for the last few years, but finally did

it this year.