Toffeecat

"Save me Jeeebus!"

Michael Burke on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male

astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked:

"They

seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in

his shorts."

Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny

Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to

use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen

Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World

Superbike racing: "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he

wished he had a hard on now."

Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on

This

Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last

night."

'Winning Post's' Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's

formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what

he sees."

Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: "Well

Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."

Cricketer Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire

match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands

he just tossed it off."

Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said:

"There's

nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What

does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"

Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today

after a 69."

The new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breath

away..."My word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."

Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big

race when he said: "They usually have four or five dreams a night about

coming from different positions."

Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live

said:

"You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed

and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that

eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave

the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is

playing so well is ! that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his

balls and kisses them ... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

Metro Radio - "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven

Dicks on the field."

Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that

nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the

Oxford crew."

Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse.

I once rode her mother."

New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl

Gibson comes inside of him."

Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from

Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner,

you'd better have a good hand."! Woody Allen

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual

arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz

500SL."

Lynn Lavner

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." Camille Paglia

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are

unimportant." George Burns

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole

relationship." Sharon Stone

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men.

Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." Tiger Woods

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."

Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives,

but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." Barbara Bush

(Former US First Lady, and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of

humor)

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's

genitals through his wallet." Robin Williams

"Women need a reason to have sex Men just need a place." Billy Crystal ! ;

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable

undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other

women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men

are just grateful." Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are

having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe

swelling. So what's the problem?" Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I

know what I'm ! doing. Just show me somebody naked'." Jerry Seinfeld

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only

enough blood to run one at a time."

Robin Williams

" It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."

Joan Rivers

" Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences

money can buy." Steve Martin

" You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older.

Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman.

Stuff you pay good money for in later life." Elmo Phillips

" Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same." Oscar Wilde

" It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."

George Bu sh

Three men, one American, one Japanese and an Irishman were sitting naked in a sauna.

Suddenly there was a beeping sound.

The American pressed his forearm and the beep stopped.

The others looked at him questioningly.

"That was my pager," he said, "I have a microchip under the skin in my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rang.

The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear.

When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone, I have a microchip in my hand".

The Irishman felt decidedly low tech, but not to be outdone he decided he had to do something just as impressive.

He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom.

When he returned he had a piece of toilet paper hanging from his a*se

The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him.

The Irishman glanced around behind and said..... "B-jesus, will you look at that, I'm getting a fax!

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.

For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.

And when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol, set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump up his a*se.

Half Life .. the Orange Box. What can I say 5 games on one disc..... original totally ruined my degree years ago but Oh well! C'est la vie!

Also interested to see that Liverpool City Council will meet with North West Development Agency to discuss available grants for a city centre stadium.

Yeah but is that gonna be for Everton or the Reds (what with all the trouble they are having at the min)?

Birmingham have had a 3 million rising 5.5million (on the never ever) bid rejected.

 

I don't know whether the club are holding out for more money or if they want Mcfadden to stay.

 

http://ukpress.google.com/article/ALeqM5i-...bhm6suVpr8Uq45A

Hang on .. am I behind the thread topic ... but I thought they had signed him for 5.57 million. Just watched a vid of him saying he wants to help them stay up.

Apologies if I'm behind the times!

Okay.. fast forward.. just read the later threads... sorry!

Did you get them online or at the ground, they usually tell you if it is an obstructed view.

We actually got them given to us (nicely enuff!) and it doesnt say on the tickets. As far as I can see they are in the Gwladys St corner. Is the view there completely abysmal?

Hi,

I have 2 tickets for the Lower Bullens tomorrow. They are Row N. Any ideas if these are obstructed views as I normally sit in the Family Enclosure or Gwladys St.

Thnx