Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Bill

The city council

Recommended Posts

Extracts from letters written to localcouncils:

 

 

 

1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

 

2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

 

3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

 

5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.

6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

 

7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

 

8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

 

10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy.

 

11. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

 

12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

 

13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

 

14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.

 

15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.

16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

 

17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

 

20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.

 

21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.

 

22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

 

23. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When I was working for an Insurance company some years back we had all kinds of odd claims coming in such as the time when one motorist had an accident because of a, and I quote 'Jurrasic Park type moth came through the window', or 'I was driving down the road and was temporarily blinded by the Hale-Bopp comet' or even as I strongly recall 'I was driving home and left the road after sighting a ghost by some Llamas'

 

I shit you not

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
Sign in to follow this  

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...