blue_is_best

1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead. 2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke. 3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out. 4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice. 5. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell. 6. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well. 7. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short-circuits; just get out. 8. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead. 9. If you find a town, which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around. 10. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing. 11. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately. 12. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Sunnydale, Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, and Nilbog, anywhere in Texas where chainsaws are sold, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine. 13. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange you ran out of gas because you thought you had most of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten. 14. Beware of strangers bearing tools. For example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions. 15. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices. 16. Dress appropriately. When investigating a noise downstairs in an old house, women should not wear a flimsy negligee. And carry a flashlight, not a candle. 17. Do not go looking for witches in the Maryland countryside. 18. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT!

Link from another site

Jam Chelsea or Arsenal ?

No idea mate i think i must have messed the form up when i joined

http://www.myt610.lasyk.net/ Some good downloads on there

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, he doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die." "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him." "Don't burden him with chores, as this could further his stress. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of backrubs." "Encourage him to watch some type of team sporting event on television. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health." On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?" "You're going to die," she replied

Three guys died and when they got to the pearly gates, St. Peter met them there. St. Peter said, "I know that you guys are forgiven because you're here. Before I let you into heaven, I have to ask you something. Your answer will depend on what kind of car you get. You have to have a car in heaven because heaven is so big!" The first guy walks up and Peter asks the first guy, "How long were you married?" The first guy says, "Twenty-four years." "Did you ever cheat on your wife?" Peter asks. The guy says, "Yeah, seven times, but you said I was forgiven." Peter says, "Yeah, but that's not too good. Here's a Pinto to drive." The second guy walks up and gets the same question from Peter. The second guy says, "I was married for forty-one years and cheated on her once, but that was our first year and we really worked it out well." Peter says, "I'm pleased to hear that, here's a Lincoln." The third guy walks up and says, "Peter, I know what you're going to ask. I was married for sixty-three years and didn't even look at another woman! I treated my wife like a queen!" Peter says, "That's what I like to hear. Here's you Jaguar!" A little while later, the two guys with the Lincoln and the Pinto see the guy with the Jaguar crying on the golden sidewalk so they go see what was the matter. When they ask the guy with the Jaguar what is wrong, he says, "I've just seen my wife and she was on a skateboard!"

Sony Computer or Laptop ?

I wouldn't mind giving the Gallaghers a kick in the bollocks And they both have slapable faces

Good luck Dunc

Away shirt White shorts or Blue ?

On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?) On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's 'just' a suggestion!) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late! you lose!) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?) (Whose body?) On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.) On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!) On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...) On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space.) On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.) On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (but no peas?) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...) On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. (Raise your hand if you've tried this..) On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Everton have resisted loan approaches for teenage striker James Vaughan. "We have had so many clubs ringing us, not just a few but I think more than 20 now," said Moyes. "But I am not going to let James go on loan. "It would be wrong for us to put him out on loan after such a bad injury until we have seen that it does not flare up again. "Any thoughts of loans are non-starters, we will decide if there is a right time."

Present Tim Cahill All time Duncan Ferguson Past Kanchelskis Worst Wright

Well done Tim