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Unwritten Rules Of Football

Guest Reg Reagan

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Guest Reg Reagan

•To you American idiots, It's not soccer, it's football!


•You must move the ball away at least six inches from the initial spot off a free kick.


•You must take 3 steps forward or back off the mark when taking a throw in.


•If your name is Robben or Ronaldo, you must imitate being shot by a sniper the second you feel the slightest contact.


•If you can't speak a word of English, make sure you're in an ad about engine oil.


•If you're Arsene Wenger, you're not allowed to buy anyone who isn't French and/or over the age of 20.


•If you're Sir Alex Ferguson, after every loss, you must blame the referee.


•If you're the president of Real Madrid, make sure you show the world how dumb you are by believing Ronaldo is the number 1 player in the world and Messi is number 2.


•If you're Real Madirid, make sure you spend 260 million (200 mill on 2 players alone) but still get your ass handed to you TWICE by your biggest rival and lose the title race to them, too.


•if you're name is gerrard you must take a dive in a starfish motion


•If you play for Liverpool, you must win, or at least level, the game in the 190th minute via a free kick or penalty


•if you are barcelona you must have most of the spanish team in your squad


•If you're the current Liverpool manager, make sure you say you're catching up to Everton only to be embarrassed the next year. Repeat process every year.


•If you're owned by an arab oil tycoon you must think you're a top four team and think the top players will come to you even though you havn't qualified for the CL


•If you barely survive relegation, you must celebrate as if you've won the World Cup.


•If you play for Brazil, you must hold the opinion that you're the referee and 2 linesmen.


•If you play for North Korea and lose, you will be sent to work in Coal mines.


•If your name is John Terry...you sleep with your teammates girlfriends/wifes


•If your name is Ashley Cole, you must cheat on your gorgeous wife and fck everything up


•If your name is Didier Drogba and you believe a call didn't go your way, find the nearest TV camera and offer your opinion to the world


•If your name is Michael Ballack and you believe a call didn't go your way, make sure you chase the referee around and let him know "It vus un goal!"


•If you are Australian, make the claim that the Aussie Spirit will be enough to see you through to the next round of [insert tournament here].


•If after 90 minutes the score is level, Man U shall receive an extra 30 minutes to have the chance to win the game.



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If you are a player who wears the crest of either Manchester United or Liverpool, you become illegible for FA disciplin and can commit GBH or murder without any action.


However if you are of any other club, and you feel that your players punishment for a professional foul is deemed 'harsh' and the club tries to appeal the decision, your punishment or fine with be extended for another 3 weeks or a £20,000 fine.

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