Bbc Quotes Of The Past Year.

[jacko 1990]

"They'll be all right. They'll be safe."

Roy Keane when asked about Manchester United's prospects for the season. (Jack, Ireland).

 

"Nothing surprises me in football but if I said I was astounded that would be an understatement."

Ray Wilkins on Jose Mourinho's departure from Chelsea. (Jon Harbage, England).

 

"As miscarriages of justice go, this was up there with the Birmingham Six."

Sports writer Simon Hart in the Telegraph on West Ham's one-shot April win against Arsenal, who dominated the other 89 minutes, 55 seconds. (Bill, Sydney, Australia).

 

"Our objective is keep Arsenal English, albeit with a lot of foreign players."

Peter Hill-Wood, chairman of Arsenal, redefines "Englishness". As in, not actually that English at all. (Phil Railton, England).

 

 

"Ryan O'Leary had to come on in the second half because Simon Ford was feeling his groin at half-time."

Comment from Kilmarnock Manager Jim Jeffries after the game v Hearts. (Stuart Graham, UK).

 

 

Owen takes a time out - and no wonder

Michael Owen: "I've worked my nuts off to get here."

Sky Sports interviewer: "How are you feeling now?"

Owen: "My groin is a bit sore."

No wonder really! (Stephen Adey, Cornwall).

 

"Quakers are likely to be without Greg Blundell tomorrow as the striker struggles with a dead calf."

From the Northern Echo. I can just picture the Darlington striker down on the farm! (Tim Hanstock, England).

 

"I don't know why he's called me an elephant seal... except for my changing room party trick where I shuffle along on my stomach and catch fish from the other players!"

Trevor Benjamin responding with a touch of sarcasm when asked on local news about Walsall manager Richard Money's comparison of him to an elephant seal. (Craig 'Snozzleberry' Stevens, Walsall).

 

"It was revealed this week that Hamilton will be driving in Monaco with diamonds embedded in his helmet. Christ, that's gotta hurt."

Derek McGovern's column in the Daily Mirror. (Simon, England).

 

"Yeah, you'd have to be disappointed not to be pleased."

Parramatta Eels rugby league coach Michael Hagan - proving the Aussies' command of the Queen's English is as good as ever! (Joe Eizenberg, Bristol via Sydney).

 

"I've been a bit of a useless tosser up to now."

Paul Collingwood commenting on BBC Radio 5 Live after winning the toss against the West Indies in the one-day series. (Chris Huff, Bologna, Italy).

 

"I can't deny that SK Brann were the better team."

Carmarthen manager Deryn Brace after witnessing his side's 8-0 defeat. (Dan Henwood, Wales). "Matthew's great. He says things like: 'Come on dad, we can still get a birdie here'. I reply: 'Matthew, we're in a ditch'."

Nick Faldo at Carnoustie. (Nick Sawford, Australia).

 

 

 

 

 

"And then Carlos Tevez, football's equivalent of a murderer out on bail, scores the goal that kept West Ham up and put us down."

Neil Warnock, not bitter at all, writes in his book "Made in Sheffield" (as reported in the Guardian). (Adam Levy, England).

 

"I heard a snap, I heard a snap!"

Shouted by MK Dons full back Gareth Edds whilst rolling around in agony. It took a word from another player informing him that it was his shinpad that broke to get the hardman back to his feet. (Ed Finn, UK).

 

"I think Peter Schmeichel will be a father-figure for Kasper."

Jamie Redknapp (Daniel Walters, United Kingdom).

 

"That'll be a real shot in the arm for British athletics."

Steve Cram after Christine Ohuruogu won the world 400m title (she was banned for missing three drugs tests) (Peter, England and others).

 

"I am here to get to get the job done and I'm not making any predictions...I just know that come the end of the fight I will be WBC champion."

Vivian Harris not making any predictions ahead of his fight against Junior Witter. Which he lost - Ed. (Julian, UK).

 

"I read Khan turned down a photoshoot with Naomi Campbell to concentrate on training for this fight. The closest I've come to a photoshoot was when I was asked to pose with Donna the barmaid at my local, the Dog and Duck."

Amir Khan's October victim, Scott Lawton, on the boxer's celebrity lifestyle. (Navid, England).

 

 

So, which one has got greater bouncebackability?

 

"There's nothing appealing about Iain Dowie!"

Simon Jordan when asked whether Iain Dowie was appealing the verdict of their court case.

 

"SENT OFF: Ware, Wolf, Serious Foul Play (90)."

Taken from the BBC vidi-printer. No doubt he was sent off for having excessive facial hair and howling. (Mark Wittenberg, UK).

 

 

FROM THE COMMENTARY BOX

"I'd compare him to the incomparable George Best."

David Pleat singing Cristiano Ronaldo's praises during Man Utd's win over Roma. (Sotirios Alpanis, England).

 

"Kimi Raikkonen, if not disgruntled, certainly looking less than gruntled."

James Allen commentating on the Spanish Grand Prix. (Stephen W, UK).

 

"He needed that like a third armpit."

Charlie Cox commentating on the British Moto GP after Nicky Hayden slid off a wet track into a gravel trap. (Ian Sinclair)

 

"He's literally left Ben Haim for dead there."

The post-match analysis of Liverpool v Chelsea and Jamie Redknapp reveals Fernando Torres's secret past as a serial killer. (Keith Allman, England).

 

"...and now over to the rowing and commentary on the men's cockless fours..."

Gaby Logan on her Saturday morning radio show. (Pete Stevens, UK).

 

"Apparently KJ Choi's real name is Kyoung-Ju. KJ will do for me I reckon. As would JK Rowling for that matter - lovely stuff."

Peter Alliss on KJ and JK. (Nigel, UK).

 

Steve Parrish: "I think Stoner's got tyre issues."

Charlie Cox: "Yeah, they're not going round fast enough."

Steve Parrish and Charlie Cox commentating on the Dutch Moto GP after Valentino Rossi took the lead from Casey Stoner. (Ian Munday, UK).

 

 

There's only two Keanos - Roy and Robbie

"Both sides' supporters are singing the same chant - 'There's only one Keano' - which makes them both wrong, to be honest."

Match of the Day commentator during Sunderland-Spurs. (Roel Eggens, Netherlands).

 

Chris Waddle: "I would like to see Bentley brought on for the last 20 minutes."

Mike Ingham: "12 minutes left here at Wembley..."

Radio 5 Live coverage of England v Israel. (Phil, North Shields, UK).

 

"If he was a footballer he'd be in A&E by now."

Brian Moore while James Hook was having his dislocated finger popped back into place during Wales v South Africa. (Rich Griff, Wales).

 

"I'm not being funny, but David Unsworth is fatter than me and Gavin Mahon couldn't even pass wind accurately today."

Martin Price commentating on Watford v Burnley on BBC 3CR. (Jonny Moloney, England).

 

"An eagle on a carrot-only diet would not have seen that."

Peter Beagrie on a decision by a referee's assistant during the Stoke v Watford game. (Dan Nice, England).

 

"I used to think my name was 'Stop The Cross!', I heard it so much."

Lee Dixon on MOTD2. (Chris Avery, England).

 

"I was going to say it was a Boycott Biryani - like a normal biryani but you get the runs slower."

Simon Hughes on TMS. (Yock Tompkins, England).

 

John Motson: "Oh that's asking too much of Robben."

Mark Lawrenson: "That's asking too much of Batman, never mind Robben."

After a wayward pass by Didier Drogba in the FA Cup final. (Tim Hanstock, Blackpool).

 

 

 

THE THOUGHTS OF PAUL MERSON

"They haven't got that player around the box with a bit of guile, that can open a can of worms."

Another Paul Merson classic.... everyone wants to open a can of worms eh, Paul? (Andrew Rawcliffe, England)

 

 

Merson gives a trademark celebration

"He was all over him like a wetsuit."

Comment made by Merson on Soccer Saturday. (Claire, England).

 

"Liverpool were all mishy-mashy, I know that isn't a word, but it should be."

After Liverpool were drubbed by Arsenal in the Carling Cup. (Dan, England)

 

"I'm not saying we shouldn't have a foreign manager, but I think he should definitely be English."

More words of wisdom from Merson. (Andrew Cowley, England).

 

 

 

STADIUM ANNOUNCEMENTS

"Scorer for Kilmarnock, number 16 Dick Turpin."

Fir Park announcer When Kilmarnock striker Rhian Dodds scored a last-minute winner against Motherwell in a game which the Well totally dominated. (Gerry Creechan, Scotland).

 

"If there is a qualified referee in the ground please can he make himself known to a steward."

PA at half-time at Craven Cottage during Fulham v Boro game during which the referee and linesman had a nightmare. (Smollett, England)

 

"There is a no-smoking policy in all parts of the Layer Road ground. Anyone who is caught smoking will be taken away, strapped to an electric chair and electrocuted until they are dead. Thank you."

Colchester announcer at half-time in the Leicester game.

 

"This is a message for Alex xxxxxxxx, just to remind you that your mother is waiting outside the front for you."

Heard over the tannoy at Cambridge v Northwich Victoria. (FarJhole, England).

 

 

WEBSITE GEMS

"Plenty of fancy dressers in today - cavemen, Batman, a load of blokes dressed up as npower girls. Oh look, there's a fella dressed in a fat suit and eating a butty...wait a minute, sorry, it's Jade Goody..."

Ben Dirs on live cricket website commentary for the BBC. (Will, Essex, UK).

 

 

Don Johnson - legend

 

"Great news! Don Johnson is in the crowd, and for my money that outdoes Antonio Banderas from the other day. I wore espadrilles to a school disco in 1987 because of Don Johnson, and I wasn't alone."

Piers Newbery gets excited about seeing who we all consider to be a true legend during the Federer-Davydenko match at the French Open! (David Sweeney, Liverpool).

 

"He's done it! Henman gets to 15-40 with a lob so clever it should be made a member of Mensa."

Tom Fordyce on the BBC commentary text of Henman v Moya, final game. (Jonathon Lindley, England).

 

"And Ernie Els, like Calum Best on a Friday night bar crawl, is getting among the birdies early doors."

Lovely stuff from Sam Lyon on the BBC's live Open coverage. (Steve Oates, Wolverhampton).

 

"Mark Viduka brings the ball down on his thing, twists round his old team-mate and slams the volley home."

Charlie Henderson's live football commentary on your website. (Jess, Australia).

[Romey 1878]

 

Loved those, cheers.

[jacko 1990]

some of them are pure genius like

 

"If there is a qualified referee in the ground please can he make himself known to a steward."

PA at half-time at Craven Cottage during Fulham v Boro(Everton Vs RS) game during which the referee and linesman had a nightmare.

 

 

"...and now over to the rowing and commentary on the men's cockless fours..."

Gaby Logan on her Saturday morning radio show,

 

"I'm not being funny, but David Unsworth is fatter than me and Gavin Mahon couldn't even pass wind accurately today."

Martin Price commentating on Watford v Burnley on BBC 3CR.