Ian Posted November 26, 2005 Report Share Posted November 26, 2005 (edited) Robbed from another forum.... 1. chuck norris's tears cure cancer. too bad he has never cried 2. rather than being birthed like a normal child, chuck norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. shortly thereafter he grew a beard 3. chuck norris does not sleep. he waits 4. chuck norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparallelled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalised, chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. the devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. they now play poker every second wednesday of the month 5. chuck norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs 6. chuck norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, chuck met all 3 bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement 7. chuck norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. he then shouted "how dare you rhyme in the presence of chuck norris" and ripped out her throat. holding his girlfriends bloody throat in his hand he bellowed "don't f*ck with the chuck!" Two years and 5 months later he realised the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that everyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf. 8. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 ounce steaks in an hour. He spent the first 50 of those minutes screwing his waitress 9. To prove it isn't that big a deal to beat cancer, chuck norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer, only to rid them from his body by flexing his muscles for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong 10. the chief export of Chuck Norris is pain 11. Chuck Norris was the Fourth Wise Man. He brought the baby Jesus the gift of "beard", Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other wise men, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favouritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths 12. Chuck norris can make a woman climax simply by pointing at her and saying "booya" 13. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death 14. There are no disabled people, only people who have angered chuck norris 15. Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he simply stares them down until he gets the inform ation that he needs 16. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his Dad did. 17. Chuck Norris won Jumanji without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living sh1t out of everything that was thrown at him and the game forfeited. 18. Filming on location for Walker:Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stilborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered. Chuck norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking it's neck, to remind the crew once more that the Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away. 19. Chuck Norris shot down a german plane in world war two by pointing his finger at it and saying "bang" 20. Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't pluck up the courage to tell him 21. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse.... horses are hung like chuck norris 22. after much debate, president truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending chuck norris. His reasoning? It was more humane 23. Chuck Norris doesn't shave, he kicks himself in the face. the only thing that can cut chuck norris is chuck norris 24. chuck norris frequently signs up for beginners karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the sh1t out of little kids. 25. the quickest way to a mans heart is with chuck norris's fist 26. chuck norris owns neither microwave nor oven. when he is hungry, he simply shouts "BAKE" at his food, and out of fear it instantly catches fire 27. One day chuck norris looked in the mirror and said "no one outstares chuck!". He is still there to this day 28. before each filming of walker:texas ranger, chuck norris is injected with 5 times the lethal dose of elephant tranquiliser. This is of course to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors that he fights 29. Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and poop it out fully solved. 30. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said "don't worry about it honey" and went into his backyard. He came back 5 minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said "Never question Chuck Norris". PMSl! Edited November 28, 2005 by ianthetoffee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Posted November 28, 2005 Author Report Share Posted November 28, 2005 wow! i just had a look at this again and there was some weird picture instead of chuck norris heres the man himself.. superb that man Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Posted November 29, 2005 Report Share Posted November 29, 2005 Any 1 old enuff to remember Delta Force? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bill Posted November 29, 2005 Report Share Posted November 29, 2005 YES. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Posted January 12, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 12, 2006 just found more facts about chuck... Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one. As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. Chuck Norris has a word for a person he puts into a coma; that word is "lucky". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeeTino8 Posted January 13, 2006 Report Share Posted January 13, 2006 hahahaha these are great ! Anymore..........................? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blue_nose_angel Posted January 13, 2006 Report Share Posted January 13, 2006 haha i dont know who he is but theyre funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Posted January 13, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 13, 2006 hahahaha these are great ! Anymore..........................? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> yeah ill put some more up later, goin out in a bit like so ill do it wen im back Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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