Tickle Me Elmo

[Pat]

Bit long but came in email 2 day & I chuckled.

 

 

 

There is a factory in America which makes the Tickle-Me Elmo toys.

The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arm.

A new employee is hired at the Tickle -me Elmo factory and she

reports for her first day promptly at 0800.

 

The next day at 0845 there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's

door. The Foreman from the assembly line throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is

incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire

production line behind schedule.

 

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself so the

two men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the

factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.

 

At the end of the line stands the new employee surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The two men watch in amazement as she

cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

 

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself

together and approaches the woman.

 

"I'm sorry", he says to her , barely able to keep a straight

face... "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday."

 

" Your job is to give

Elmo two ....... test

tickles..................."...

 

[GoldfishMemory]

Hehehe

[Bill]

Thought this was not too bad, mabe me chuckle.

 

 

 

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. Obviously, he goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. "I'm not sure what to do," says the devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. As you definitely have to stay here, I'm going to have to let some-one else go. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves." George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.

 

The devil opened the first room. In it were Richard Nixon and a large pool of hot water. He kept diving in and climbing out, over and over. Such was his fate in hell. "No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could stay in hot water all day."

 

The devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer, time after time. "No!" I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day." commented George.

 

The devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

 

The devil smiled and said, "Ok, Monica, you're free to go!"

 

____________________________________________________________

[GoldfishMemory]

Good 1 Licker

 

A northern Territory farm hand radios back to the farm manager, "Boss, I gotta helluva problem here. I hit a pig with the ute. The pig's ok but he's stuck in the bull bar at the front of my ute and is wriggling & squealing so much I cannot get him out".

 

The manager says "Okay there's a 303 behind the seat, take it out and shoot the pig in the head & you'll be able to remove him".

 

Five minutes later the farm hand calls back. "I did as you said boss. Took the 303 and shot the pig in the head and removed him from the bull-bars. No problem there, but I still can't go on."

 

"Now what's the problem?" raged the manager. "Well Boss, it's his motor bike. The flashing blue light is stuck under the right front wheel arch..."

Edited January 11, 2006 by GoldfishMemory

[Bill]

now that made me laugh, Nice one Goldfish.