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Everything posted by johnh

  1. johnh

    Jokes thread

    I never thought I'd see the day when the wheelie bin went out more than me.
  2. I don't think I will see it in my lifetime.😁
  3. Easy list to compile if you want a team of remainers.
  4. johnh

    Jokes thread

    Just had a crap and noticed that the toilet roll had run out. Had to do that embarrassing shuffle with trousers round your ankles to get some more. Unfortunately, they haven't got any in Tesco's, does anyone want anything fetching while I'm here?
  5. The nearest I've been to this previously was in 1956 in Singapore. We had a lad in our barrack room was taken ill and rushed into the military hospital. The info came back that he had a type of encephalitis. He was so bad that the Army refused to fly his parents out as the flight took 4 days and they didn't think he would live that long. They found that the infection was caused by a mosquito bite from a mosquito that had been on a rat. We were all put on lock-down and the Army came in and disinfected the whole area. We were ordered to sleep with mosquito nets, something we didn't usually bother with. We were only on lock-down for about 4 days but we were mighty relieved when it was over. Not knowing was the worst thing. Delighted to say that the lad recovered and was shipped back to blighty.
  6. Just completed an inventory of essentials. 1 bottle of single malt whisky 4 bottles of London Pride beer 3 bottles of wine (red) All I have to do now is work out how I replenish the stock on Monday.
  7. Stay well Rubes. You will need to isolate so park the beast up for the time being.
  8. Springbank (Campbelltown) is one of my favourites, though my last couple of presents have been Bunnahabhain (Isle of Islay) which I have acquired quite a taste for.
  9. Have already been told to expect a delivery tomorrow - bottle of single malt! Good chance of a second glass.
  10. Cancelled my two hospital appointments this week (fitting a heart monitor and ECG). Have decided to self isolate (84 tomorrow) will only leave the house for really urgent issues. We are fortunate in that we are fairly well stocked up and have two daughters who are brilliant. All the neighbours are retired and we have been exchanging phone numbers, email addresses. We are lucky to have very good neighbours.
  11. With not much on yesterday, Maidenhead were prominent in the Sunday Times sports pages today. Their Rugby XV played a friendly against Clifton from Bristol. Report on the game from the ST Rugby correspondent Stephen Jones. Big photo of the action too. Also, a big report on the game between Maidenhead United v Stockport County in the National League. 15 minutes of fame!
  12. It doesn't matter how good a manager is, (and Ancelotti is good, ) if he doesn't have the players, there is only so much he can do. We don't have the players, end of.
  13. Her indoors is querying why 'self isolation' means she has to stay in the spare bedroom.
  14. I went to our mini Supermarket the other day. One of the things on our shopping list was toilet rolls. I got a pack of 9 and got a load of comments about panic buying. We just needed them!
  15. DCL will soon be missing open goals for England.
  16. Matt, have you been talking to her indoors?😁
  17. The first fatality from the coronavirus has taken place in Berkshire, at the Royal Berkshire hospital. Guess where I'm going to have my heart monitor fitted shortly?
  18. The problem with biking is that you are relying on everyone else on the road to keep you safe. You have only got to look at the quality of some of the driving! When my eldest son was in his teens he was desperate for a motorbike. He used to get all the magazines. I wouldn't let him have one. He's 60 this year and admits it was a good decision.
  19. Pickford's OK, he can't catch anything.
  20. Never rode a motorbike in my life.😁 (one of the reasons I'm still here!)
  21. Like Mike0. been there, done that. Palfy, you obviously have the stamina I used to have!
  22. The first two newspapers to serialise 'A Tale of Two Cities' were The Bicester Times and The Worcester Times.
  23. The fans have got to start making some serious objections to VAR. Someone needs to organise something. Football officialdom aren't going to dump it, you can bet there are vested interests at play. Ref's are in favour too, it gives them a kop-out.
  24. In the table of net benefits of VAR, Manchester United are top with +8 (including today). We are -2.
  25. VAR is to ensure the top teams remain top teams.
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