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Mental Health Hotline Message


iggy
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"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline."

 

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

 

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

 

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

 

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want.

Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

 

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be

transferred to the mother ship.

 

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice

will tell you which number to press.

 

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number

you press, no one will answer.

 

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

 

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address,

telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and

your mother's maiden name.

 

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y &

c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.

 

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after

the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for

the beep.

 

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have

short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory

loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

 

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are

too busy to talk to you."

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