Mac Posted April 8, 2006 Report Share Posted April 8, 2006 I could go on about the difficulties involved with step-kids, does anyone have any advice, coz mine are doing my f*cking head in. All answers on a stamp addressed envelope to The F*cking Nut house, Darlington. I couldn't love them any more if they were mine but Tara and myself are constantly being ripped apart by selfish, egotistical, nasty little bastards. Showing a little more than I would like to here, but I am at the end of my tether. Ilove you all ATB Mac Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikeO Posted April 8, 2006 Report Share Posted April 8, 2006 (edited) Been there, done that, still doing it ...sympathy and empathy Mac but no answers I'm afraid . Hang in. We have one big success but three work in progress. Edited April 8, 2006 by mikeo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mac Posted April 8, 2006 Author Report Share Posted April 8, 2006 Mike the sentiment is welcomed, but all I can do is rip what little of my hair is left out, I love em' but it is difficult to live with when they are unable to appreciate what I am trying to do. ATB Mac Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claire Posted April 10, 2006 Report Share Posted April 10, 2006 Smile Im sure they think the world of you I know I think the world of my parents but I drive them demented I just like to wind them up. Its only really since Ive moved out that I appreciate me mum and dad and what they do and have given up for me, so things will get better just dont let them see its bothering you cos then they just take it further (I know that cos I do that to my dad!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Posted April 10, 2006 Report Share Posted April 10, 2006 I threaten mine with Church with Gran on Sunday...works 4 me & at least no will get a kip in every sunday morn as kids suddenly become scarce...Give n take I suppose...But sunday's are a a moral victory if nothing. Am not a fan of the old school patriachal type system of seen & not heard, belted so hard today it would constitute GBH. I like to think I took all those hits as an evolutionary must towards my more modern style of parenting. However, there is a fine line between giving them a free reign & letting the run a mock. Live n learn & do ya best is my motto. Whod be a parent eh.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Reg Reagan Posted April 11, 2006 Report Share Posted April 11, 2006 you give them what they want... andthey will demand for more! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mac Posted April 11, 2006 Author Report Share Posted April 11, 2006 Good advice all, I use a smack as the ultimate punishment because if it's used too often it loses all it's impact. Taking the back seat while Tara deals with the punishments is difficult, but necessary to let them know we are a team and acting as one. The hard part is the kids trying to use emotional blackmail on Tara, and it works. Still moral victory in so much as I ban them off the computer, stop pocket money, phone bans and early in times. I'm sure they will understand when they are 20 odd years old and realise how difficult it is for both of us. ATB Mac Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Posted April 11, 2006 Report Share Posted April 11, 2006 Take away the Play Station Mac....ive seen people who have lost a kidney be not as devastated as a kid whose had his Play station confescated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikeO Posted April 11, 2006 Report Share Posted April 11, 2006 What age/gender we talking Mac? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mac Posted April 12, 2006 Author Report Share Posted April 12, 2006 Pat, the PS thing works, but if they're grounded aswell it means they are in Tara's face all day. Good call though. Mike, Girl 16, two boys 11 and 13, there are lots of things that work, but the biggest thing is time, eldest and youngest are sulking with me, even though it was Tara who dished out the punishment. It's all my fault "she loves me more than she loves them", anything and everything they can hurt Tara with they try it, tough but with a smile on my face I shall carry on regardless. Thanks to you all it's nice to know there is a place to let off steam. ATB Mac Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Posted April 12, 2006 Report Share Posted April 12, 2006 Don't have any kids Mac so can't really help. Have a nephew that can be a pain though. I agree about the thinga bout banning then from the PS as they say they have nothing else to do and also doesn't help if they not that worried about it. I found with my nephew to ban him from things that he is into at the time. Used to get banned from going to football practice. Then it was the xbox, then his MP3 player and then going onto the PC. They are always into different things at different times and the only advice I can say is to stop the things they are into at that moment if its going out with mates ground them. If they are watching a lot of films stop them. If they like to go on a PC ban them. If they support the RS ground them for life, ban all entertainment and only give them bread and water. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mac Posted April 12, 2006 Author Report Share Posted April 12, 2006 Cheers mate , as the weather gets better grounding works well. As for the footie thing neither of the boys like football, they both support the barcodes. ATB Mac Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bill Posted April 12, 2006 Report Share Posted April 12, 2006 (edited) Mac ...Dont for one minute think its only step kids that drive you crazy. All kids these days especially teenagers, know exactly how far to push your patience. They have learnt from all the so called do-gooders that you cant smack them for fear of child beating, also know how far they can misbehave outside cos the police dont want to know, and just let them off with a caution, and if they are under a certain age they cant do anything even if they wanted to. Parents cant touch them, Teachers cant touch them, and the Police cant touch them, Children have free reign these days to create mayhem and madness, and theres not much you can do about it. Be patient, do your best, and they will either grow out of it and learn to respect you, or they will grow up to be hardened criminals. A daunting prospect isnt it. Thank god mine turned out OK. Licker. Edited April 12, 2006 by toffeelicker Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mac Posted April 12, 2006 Author Report Share Posted April 12, 2006 Totally agree with the do-gooders thing Licker, but knowing The Childrens Act the way I do, there is a thing called "reasonable chastisement", this goes as far as explaining that it is acceptable to stike a child with the flat of the hand three times in any one occasion. It is when an "implement" is used it becomes unlawful, and to be honest I can't see any circumstances I would ever pick up something and use it to strike a child. Kids believe all the "you can't smack me crap" spouted by their mates, not so, certainly in this country. I think wanting the best for them and wanting them to keep themselves safe, will sink in at some point when they really need us, then it is our job to pick up the pieces. ATB Mac Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikeO Posted April 12, 2006 Report Share Posted April 12, 2006 Think I've got off quite lightly really with my daughters (never used the word "step"). I've mostly had a good relationship with all four of them (15-20 yrs now), been with their mum for eleven years. Probably helped me (though not them of course) that their father died nine odd years ago. However..Big problem with one of them currently...but we'll get through it ..we always do. Almost a cliche but.."what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is true if you can get yourself to think that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mac Posted April 12, 2006 Author Report Share Posted April 12, 2006 Mike, this is what I'm hoping for, going through a lot of crap now will give us a good solid foundation for me to build a stronger relationship in the future. This is the best thing I've ever done in my life, the rewards are immense, but so are the drawbacks, with me being off during the school holidays, I feel bridges will be repaired. Might even have a go at Lickers Match up record. ATB Mac Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Posted April 12, 2006 Report Share Posted April 12, 2006 Wooooaaa all this 2 come for me. Mine are still both U/10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mac Posted April 12, 2006 Author Report Share Posted April 12, 2006 Pat, by the time your's are "real" teenagers this thread will probably still be going strong, and none of near an answer for kids. ATB Mac Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claire Posted April 12, 2006 Report Share Posted April 12, 2006 God by the time I have kids and they get to be teenagers this will still be going!!!!!!!! Seriously things will get better like I said before it wasnt till I moved out that i realised that as well as being nagging parents my mum and dad were my personal chef, housekeeper, bank manager, chauffeur, relationship advisor, cleaner and general rock in my life. I had a really really tough time between the ages of 15 and 18 which Ive only really just got over and I realise now that it was my parents who got me out of that mess Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claire Posted April 12, 2006 Report Share Posted April 12, 2006 Another tip try not to lose your temper cos as a nearly teenager I know when my dad used to explode I found him funny and wouldnt take him seriously but my mum remained cool and reasoned with me and if she ever shouted or said she was dissappointed in me I listened cos I knew Id done something really really bad Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mac Posted April 12, 2006 Author Report Share Posted April 12, 2006 Claire, if someone had told you then what you are telling us now, would you have listened?. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have. It's still nice to know they will realise at some point we just want the best for them, cheers mate. ATB Mac Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claire Posted April 12, 2006 Report Share Posted April 12, 2006 Claire, if someone had told you then what you are telling us now, would you have listened?. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have. It's still nice to know they will realise at some point we just want the best for them, cheers mate. ATB Mac <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Im pretty sure that if I knew what I put my mum through then I would have stopped and behaved Anyway only tryin to help Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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