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Wayne Spooney


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A short (adult) fairy tale


Once, in a parallel universe there lived a man called Wayne Spooney. He was the ugliest man in the whole of the land. When he was a baby old women ran screaming from his pram after a single glance as if they feared some evil would befall them should they linger too long.

Wayne struggled through school, then left at sixteen to be befriended only by waifs and strays on the fringes of society, an outcast notable only for his ability to play netball, which he spent endless hours practising in the hope that one day a woman younger than his grandmother might notice him.

Sadly one day Wayne made a big mistake. He left his boyhood netball team, where he had learnt all he knew, and went to play for another, more glamorous team in the next village down the valley. He was alone in the big wide world, friendless, desperate and horny as fcuk.

With the new found wealth that his netball team had given him, he decided to visit the local house of ill repute to lose his virginity but alas, none of the girls were willing to accommodate him.

“I’m not shaggin’ that ugly bastard,” they cried, and Wayne was left frustrated and depressed.

His depression grew deeper as his new team proved not to be the all conquering heroes he had been led to believe, until finally he decided he’d had enough and he resolved to end it all.

He drove to the beach, took off all his clothes and started to wade out into the dark waters until he spotted something out of the corner of his eye. It was a donkey standing peacefully on the shore.

“Sod it,” thought Wayne, “if I can’t have a woman at least I can have a donkey.”

He waded back to the beach and crept stealthily up behind the donkey, but unfortunately he was a good six inches too short and no matter how much he tried to balance on the tips of his toes the bestial deed remained just out of range.

“Sod and bugger it,” he thought, “if I can’t have a woman or a donkey I’m definitely going to end it all.” So once again he began wading into the sea.

The water was up to his neck when he saw a bucket floating past him and an idea came into his head. He grabbed the bucket and once more set out for dry land. He sneaked up behind the unsuspecting nag, put his bucket on the ground, stood on it and attempted to mount the ass. To his horror though, every time he prepared to start, the donkey took a step forward, putting itself just out of range. He moved his bucket closer countless times but every time the donkey seemed to sense something was wrong and kept itself just out of reach.

“Sod and bugger and bollocks,” thought Wayne, “there really is no hope for me, this time I’m really going to finish it.”

He strode purposefully into the waves, out of his depth and was just going under for the third time when he heard a woman’s voice in the distance.

“Help,” it cried, “save me.”

Through the swell Wayne could just make out the woman about fifty yards from him and he struck out to save her. After much effort and struggle he managed to pull her to the beach and the two of them lay exhausted, panting and speechless in the surf.

When Wayne was able to look at the woman he saw that she was stunningly attractive in every way and that her young firm body was completely naked

Finally she regained her voice,

“My God,” she said, “you saved my life, I’ll do anything for you, just name it.”

A smile slowly spread across Waynes face as the realisation of the opportunity that had presented itself to him became clear in his mind.

“There is one thing you could do for me.” he said shyly.

“You only have to ask,” said the woman, moistening her lips with her tongue.

“Would you hold my donkey for me?” he asked.

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