I know this is an old one but there may be one or two younger posters who haven't seen it. It is the letter written by an employee to the Personnel Department, explaining his absence.
Sir
Following the recent gales, I inspected my roof and found some bricks had come loose which needed replacing. I rigged up a beam with a pulley at the top of the house and hoisted up a barrel full of new bricks. After I had finished laying the new bricks I had to dispose of the old bricks. I had lowered the barrel back down to the ground so I hoisted the barrel back up and climbed down to secure the line at the bottom. I climbed back up and filled the barrel with the old bricks. Then I climbed down to the bottom and unfastened the line. The barrel of bricks was heavier than me and as the barrel started down, I was jerked off the ground. I decided to hang on but half-way up I met the barrel coming down and received a severe blow on the shoulder. I then continued to the top banging my head against the beam and trapping my fingers in the pulley. When the barrel hit the ground it burst open at the bottom and all the bricks spilled out. I was now heavier than the barrel so started down at high speed. Half-way down I met the barrel coming up and received severe injuries to my legs. When I hit the ground I landed on the old bricks getting several painful cuts from the sharp edges. At this point I think I lost my presence of mind because I let go of the line and the barrel descended giving me a heavy blow to my head, putting me in hospital. Sir, as soon as I am able to walk, I will send a sick note.