johnh

Just mentioned to the wife that I thought the spark had gone out of our marriage and she tasered me.

There is a half page report in the Telegraph on the Greece v Costa Rica match and Samaras doesn't get a single mention.

It will be best all round if Suarez leaves Liverpool for Spain. Can you imagine the stick he will get at away grounds if he stays with Liverpool.

Liverpool are asking FIFA is it OK for Suarez to start the new season if he wears a muzzle.

Did you know? Statistically, there is more chance of being bitten by Louis Suarez than a shark.

As England now have spare time on their hands Hodgson has arranged three friendlies. Iceland, Tesco and Asda.

If you want a good laugh have a read of some of the posts on the Liverpool forum re the Suarez issue. They think its all a conspiracy. The video replays are doctored, the marks on the defenders shoulder were caused by hisown nails. You would need a heart of stone not to laugh.

Suarez banned for 4 months (plus 9 internationals) which means he won't be able to play for Liverpool until October. He will probably appeal, just lets hope FIFA stick to their guns.

Tommy Jones, the Everton centre-half in the late 1940's. What a classy centre-half he was. I was a centre-half and modelled myself on Tommy Jones. I have a match report from when I played for Harrogate Town which referred to me as a 'stylish player'. That's the nearest I got!

Some players who dive and feign injury, actually scream like big girls blouses. Honesty and integrity have almost disappeared from the game. I played when tackling was allowed 'below the waist'. Some tackles made your eyes water but you got up and got on with it. The diving started in Germany in the late 1970's but the Italians and Spanish (particularly) have taken it to a new level. I already watch my local Rugby team on a Saturday and only watch football on TV, but if it deteriorates much more, I will stop watching it altogether.

Suarez biting again. He should be banned for a full season. FIFA will chicken out though.

Platini, head honcho of UEFA and who has his eyes on Blatter's job in FIFA, is on record as saying he wants tackling eliminating from the game. Diving and feigning injury helps his cause, so the authorities aren't going to sort it out. When I played in the 1950's/60's you would have been laughed off the field for diving. Our trainer used to say 'when a boxer is hurt, he smiles, so if you get clogged I want to see you smiling. Don't let them see they've hurt you'. Pele is one of the greats and really took some stick during his career, particularly in the 1966 World Cup. I think so called 'greats' are diminished if they cheat.

Matt, many congratulations. I have two sons and two daughters - the best thing that ever happened in my life.

Surprised, but I thought Baines has had a very poor world cup. Can anyone explain why Sturridge always seems to shoot at goal with the inside of his foot? He doesn't get much power doing this and scuffs a high proportion of shots. The only way to get power is to use the instep. Against Uruguay he had two shots from just inside the area which were so weak they looked like pass-backs to the goalie. Rooney played better but missed an open goal when he shot straight at the keeper.

If Italy beat Costa Rica and qualify, they will put all their squad players out against Uruguay and rest their top players. Also, Uruguay need to beat Italy to qualify. Can't see any other result than a Uruguay win.

How crap must Torres be? He is kept out of the starting line-up by Costa who would struggle to get in Tranmere Rovers starting eleven.

The current issue of Private Eye has a cover showing the England team disembarking from the aircraft in Brazil. The pilot is saying 'shall I keep the engines running?'

Cornish Steve. 1,000 years? You always were an optimist.

MikeO. No problem. I had assumed you had overdosed on PC (Pina Colada's)

MikeO. Very disappointed (and surprised) at your comment which I thought was way over the top.

David Cameron is visiting America. Barak Obama takes him to a top secret scientific laboratory. Keen to show off, Obama shows him a Time Machine that can accurately predict events 100 years in the future. 'Ask it a question' says Obama. So Cameron asks what England will be like in 100 years time. There is a whirring, bleeping, flashing of lights then out comes a print-out. Cameron looks at it for a few minutes and Obama, getting impatient says 'come on David, what does it say'? 'I don't know' says Cameron, 'its not in English'.

Rubes, will be thinking about you. Keep strong.

Mike, really good news. I know everyone on this site is rooting for you, keep fighting.

The only similarity with Barca is in the number of passes. The difference is Barca's passes are quick, sharp and penetrating. England's are backwards and sideways, mainly between the back four. Even then we manage to give the ball away on occasions. If Lampard or Wilshire play any part in this World Cup then we are done for. I would also start with Rooney on the bench. Barkley and Sterling to start.

Every year, D-Day reminds me of a little incident in my childhood. I was eight years old in 1944 and I was on my way to school. Walking down Walton Hall Avenue towards 'The Crown', which is where the East Lancs Road started. Coming down the East Lancs Road heading towards Liverpool centre came a convoy of American trucks, each one filled with soldiers. I am sure that they were on their way to embark for D-Day. I stood watching them pass when I heard a shout from a truck that hadn't yet reached me. When it came level with me, two soldiers threw a load of sweets which came down like rain. I waved a 'thanks' and started to pick them up. I filled all my pockets but there were still loads left on the ground, so I had to stuff them down my jumper. There were sweets, chocolate and chewing gum, easily several months of sweet rations. I legged it home and unloaded all the sweets onto the table. My mother's jaw dropped open and when I told her what had happened she had a weep. Every year I think about this incident and hope that the generous American soldiers who threw the sweets survived the war OK. Another story on 'sweet rationing'. On the day the Government announced it was ending me and my brother raced up to the local sweet shop to experience the novelty of buying sweets 'off ration'. When we got there we found a queue 20 yards long outside the shop. When we eventually got in we found that the shopkeeper, in an effort to ensure that everyone got some, had introduced his own 'rationing' system. The only problem was that it was less than the official ration!