johnh

Nikica I was surprised you missed out Andy Carroll from your top ten. Seriously, thought George Best might get a mention, My personal number 1 (I saw him play) was Di Stefano.

Gamekeeper having a piss in the woods when his shotgun went off accidentally. After his operation in hospital the surgeon says 'we got all the buckshot out but its left you with holes in your willy, I will refer you to my sister'. The gamekeeper asks if his sister is a plastic surgeon and the surgeon says 'no, she plays flute in the orchestra and she will teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss all over the bathroom.'

Rubes The treatment is a pain (not literally I hope) but it is soon over and then you are glad it was done. All the best, we are all rooting for you mate.

I have experienced problems when 'posting' an item. I sometimes have to hit 'post' seven or eight times before anything happens. Edit: worked first time for this!

Living down in the south I talk a lot of football with the locals. Most support various Premiership London teams. Almost without exception they have a deep respect for Everton and as long as Everton are not playing 'their' club they want Everton to win. Invariably, they hate Liverpool and Man U. The view is that Moyes did a fantastic job with limited resources and that Martinez is doing a lot better than expected, particularly as he has changed the style of play somewhat. The common theme is that 'Everton have been punching above their weight' for several seasons. We do need a striker but paying big bucks is not necessarily the answer. eg Carroll and Torres. I don't think the big lad (can't remember his name) who got injured in the warm-up, is the answer. Can't head the ball and gets knocked off the ball to easily. The jury is still out on Lukaku, if he can find the form he showed when he first came then he may be worth a punt, but on current form I wouldn't pay £20m for him.

I think its great in the modern game when you see players of both teams walking onto the pitch hand in hand with the kids. Its an experience that those kids will remember for the rest of their lives. How things change. Back in 1948, when I was 12, I was watching a game at Goodison. I was behind the wall at the pitch side. Peter Corr the Everton winger got injured right in front of me and came off the pitch for treatment. When it was all over, I saw that they had left the piece of tape which Peter Corr had used to tie-up his socks. This would be the perfect souvenier for my Everton collection. Tantalising, it was just out of my reach. Then a policeman came along so I shouted 'sir, can you pass me that tape please'. He looked at me, then at the tape, then back at me and in a very stern voice he said 'that would be stealing'. How things change - fortunately!

If you like reading about football try 'The Far Corner' by Harry Pearson. One of the best and funniest I have read. Diary of a fan who travels round the North East watching football at all levels. Some football league, some local football. Each chapter is a game and includes travelling to the game, the game, and travelling home. It means you can open it and read any chapter in isolation. I still do this and must have read it a dozen or more times.

Student doctors sitting their final exams. Final question was: N E P I S rearrange these letters to make an important part of the body that works better when erected. Those who answered SPINE went on to be doctors. Those who answered PENIS went on to be politicians.

In 1950/51 Arsenal won the FA Cup and never had to play a game outside London in any round. It looks like history might be repeated as they have now played three rounds at home and have been drawn at home again for the next round. No wonder they were always known as 'lucky' Arsenal. I didn't mind them having the luck back then as they beat Liverpool in the final!

He might lack a bit of pace and won't win many headers but he has got a good football brain and will always make something of half a chance. He reminds me a bit of Terry Sheringham, not a star but you would always have him in your team.

Liverpool have got so many penalties for diving that it was quite amusing to see a 'cast iron' penalty not given.

A commentator said that for a big man (6ft 8in) Traore has got a good touch with his feet. He needs to have 'cos he can't head the ball. He didn't win a single header today. We had a good start but after they equalised we didn't look confident for the rest of the first half. Finally got control in the second half. Made a difference when Osman and Naismith came on.

Liverpool out. 2 - 1.

Yet another penalty for Liverpool against Arsenal. Suarez diving this time.

There was an article in the Telegraph today that the Glazers have agreed a £100m transfer kitty for Moyes. I reckon Moyes wont be too happy with that as it will put £10m on every player Moyes goes after.

Scotsman puts on his coat and hat to go to the pub. He says to his missus 'put your hat and coat on'. she says 'its ages since you took me to the pub'. He says ' I'm not taking you to the pub, I'm putting the heating off while I'm out'.

Sterling and Sturridge must practise diving for hours on end. Liverpool must get more penalties than any other club. We had a cast iron penalty against Spurs - not given. Maybe we should invite Sterling or Sturridge to training to give us some tips.

Can't believe that the great Everton are short of a striker. We must be way ahead of any other club in owning the best strikers over the years. From Dixie Dean through Tommy Lawton to Dave Hickson, Bob Latchford, Gary Lineker, big Dunc and many others. What we need is a 6ft 3in 14 stone player with a rocket shot in both feet, brilliant in the air, powerfull header of the ball. Quick, great first touch and able to run all day. Does anyone know where we can get this guy for less than £50m? I don't mean Emile Heskey either! No disrespect to the players who gave their all at Spurs but with a half decent striker we would have won 3 - 1.

It doesn't matter if you have 70% possession if you don't have a shot at goal you will never win. Once we got near the penalty area it was as though the players were under orders not to shoot. If the ref had given the penalty whoever took it would have passed it back.

Matt, when you're a kid you just accept things as they are. When it all started I was too young to remember what it was like before. The only thing I can remember really missing was bananas. I had a memory that I loved bananas and could actually remember the taste. Didn't have another banana for about 8 years. I remember in secondary school, a lad had a brother who was in the Navy and when his brother came home on leave he brought some bananas. The lad in our class brought a piece of banana, about an inch long, in a piece of greaseproof paper. He was a kind lad and he passed it all round the class for everyone to have a lick, when everyone had had a lick he ate it. The taste of the banana from that lick was exactly how I remembered it. Can't eat a banana now without thinking of that incident! Another lad brought in a dagger with a curved blade that his uncle had brought home from the Middle East. We were in the Science room with big wooden tables and the lad was stabbing the knife into the table top. One of the other lads spread his hand out on the table and kept pulling it away before the knife got down. The inevitable happened and his hand got pinned to the table. All in a days schooling!

During the 90 minutes he spends more time rolling over and over than he does on his feet playing football.

During the war, we had an Anderson shelter in our back garden. When the air-raids started and at the sound of the sirens, our parents used to wake us up and lead us down to the shelter. After a while, they got fed up with this and we used to go straight to bed in the shelter as raids were almost every night. Once the sirens had sounded, we got to know that there would be no chance of sleeping for a few hours. There was an anti-aircraft battery in Walton Hall Park which used to start firing and was like being in a thunder storm. Then there was the sound of the planes and the bombs. The thing I disliked most was if there had been heavy rain then the shelter flooded to about a foot deep with cold muddy water. When this happened, only the top bunks in the shelter could be used. My dad had some wooden crates which he put in the water as 'stepping stones'. Dad was a fireman during the war and was fighting fires in the town centre and at the docks. Dad was a pianist and had the distinction of playing piano at Lewis's before the war and fighting the fire at Lewis's after it was bombed during the war! After a raid, my job, along with my brother, was to inspect the house for any damage to window's, roof tiles etc., One day, after a raid, when we were walking to school, we passed a house that had the front completely missing. Just like a doll's house with the front removed. All the furniture was in place, pictures on the wall etc., but the front of the house had gone. Anyway, about Hitler ruining our football pitch. Walton Hall Park was our 'playground'. It had a number of football pitches and we were always there, kicking a ball about. One day we went and found that there were poles (like telegraph poles) all over the park. They had been put there to prevent gliders landing in the case of a German invasion. A good idea from a military perspective but it didn't half bugger up our football games.

Old guy was talking to his wife one day and suddenly said 'when I die I want you to sell my golf clubs immediately'. His wife was puzzled and asked 'why?' The old guy said 'well, you are still an attractive woman and I think you will marry again and I don't wan't some no-mark using my clubs'. His wife said 'what makes you think I will marry another no-mark'?

Haven't had one since last post.

I was in Atlanta in 1978, didn't see any snow.