Bill Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 Got this Email this morning. THE “MAN” TEST, are you a man or a "sausage jockey". 1. If you’re over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet...Faggot.. 2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer—it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog..... 'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeez, you're so queer. 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are a Homo in training and undeniably a fag. 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public toilet or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases. 5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as fairy as Tinkerbelle. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there too.. 6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colours or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be handing out free arse passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are a peter puffer. 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-arsed driver or to cut the prick up. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a burger, or hold his beer. 8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings, then you’re definitely on the verge of being a salami smuggler. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marcopaulo Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 number six was my favourite Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 9. if youre overly homophobic, you probably want to choke on the salty staff.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikeO Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 That made me laugh a lot. 9. if youre overly homophobic, you probably want to choke on the salty staff.... Truest of the lot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scouse Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 Very good i like No 5! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rubecula Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 Number 2 had me chuckling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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