iggy Posted November 7, 2006 Report Share Posted November 7, 2006 I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit." We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?" I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mac Posted November 7, 2006 Report Share Posted November 7, 2006 Bloody brilliant Iggy, ATB Mac Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randomness Posted November 7, 2006 Report Share Posted November 7, 2006 Excellent! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Posted November 7, 2006 Report Share Posted November 7, 2006 Love it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Romey 1878 Posted November 7, 2006 Report Share Posted November 7, 2006 That is probably the best one youve put on here mate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Posted November 16, 2006 Report Share Posted November 16, 2006 great Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikeO Posted November 16, 2006 Report Share Posted November 16, 2006 Very clever..didn't see that ending coming at all ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aaron Posted December 11, 2006 Report Share Posted December 11, 2006 omg...that is amazing lmao best joke ive heard in a while Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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