Joke

[GoldfishMemory]

A German guy approaches a prostitute and says " I vish to buy sex vit you"

"OK" says the girl, "I charge £100 an hour"

Ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky"

"No problem" she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky"

So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller.

"I vant you to tie ze springs to each of your limbs."

The girl finds this very strange, but complies, fastening the springs to her hands and knees.

"Now you vill get on your hans and knees."

She duly does this, balancing on the springs.

"You vill please blow zis vistle as I make love to you."

She finds all this very odd, but figures it's harmless, and the guy is paying.

The sex is fantastic.

She is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller The climax is the most sensational she has ever experienced, and it is several minutes before she has recovered her breath.

 

Finally she gasps "That was totally amazing....... what do you call that?"

 

 

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It's coming!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wait for it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Ah", says the German, that's the "Four-sprung duck technique"

[Guest fozzie22]

LMFAO

[Neil]

HAHA

[MikeO]

[thebluenose]

godfish i like it.

 

however i found another joke which i heard on radiocity. i missed the beginning so ill make part of it up:

 

a seikh (spelling?) becomes prime minister of england. he makes up a brand new law which stops long prison sentances. the law is every criminal has to recieve 100 lashes from a nine tail whip. he goes to see the first sentance carried out. in the prison he sees a manc a scouser and a geordie.

 

he says to them 'now because i ave good memories of your respective cities i will grant you all 1 wish'

the geordie steps up and asks for a pillow to be tied on his back. he takes the punishment and after 20 whips the pillow is ripped off and he recieves 80 lashes.

the manc steps up and asks for 2 pillows tied to his back. the 2 pillows rip after 40 lashes so he bears the other 60 lashes.

 

 

the seikh goes to the scouser and says 'now i went to liverpool as a lad and i loved it. friendly people and good footy teams. i will grant you 2 wishes'

 

the scouser says 'i want 300 lashes'

the seikh looks at him with horror and says ' you are a brave man as well as an honest man now whats your second wish'

 

 

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the scouser says. 'iwant the manc tied to my back'

[GreatOJ]

lol i heard that one too

[GoldfishMemory]

Yeah, i was listening to seedy too!

 

Funny one tho'

[aaron]

Did you hear about the prostitute who was into bondage?

She was strapped for cash.

 

 

Two Scousers are riding along the M62 from Manchester to Liverpool on a motorbike. They break down and start hitching a lift.

A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the scousers ask him for a lift. He tells them that he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls but will take a look at the bike for them. He tries everything he knows but is unable to repair it. Time is getting on now and he's late for his delivery so he tells the scousers he has to leave.

The scousers put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit in the back with the 20,000 bowling balls, will he take them, so he agrees. They manage to squeeze themselves and their motorbike into the back of the wagon so the driver shuts the doors and gets off on his way. By this time he is really late and so puts his foot down.

Sure enough PC Plod of Greater Manchester Police pulls him up for speeding. The good officer asks the driver what he is carrying to which he replies with sarcasm " Scouse eggs". The policeman obviously doesn't believe this so wants to take a look.He opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it. He rushes back to his cruiser and gets onto his radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible.

The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that he requires so many officers.

"I've got a wagon with 20,000 Scouse eggs in it - 2 have already hatched and the fuckers have managed to nick a motorbike already.

 

Q: What did the Jewish paedophile say to the little boy after luring him into his car?

A: Hey, go easy on those fucking sweets.

 

Q: What do you call a Welsh farmer with a sheep under each arm?

A: A pimp.

 

The Ferrari F1 Team recently fired the whole Pit-Crew to employ some young unemployed youths from Liverpool. The decision to hire them was brought on by a documentary on how unemployed youths in the Liverpool area, can remove a set of car wheels in less than 4 sec without proper equipment. This was thought to be a good move as most races are won & lost in the pits these days & Ferrari would have an advantage. However Ferrari soon encountered a major problem: Not only were the lads changing the tyres in under 4 seconds but within 10 secs they had resprayed, re-numbered and sold the vehicle to the McLaren team

 

Ten Liverpudlians arrive at the Pearly gates to be met by St Peter. “What are you doing here?”,he asks, “We’ve got no record for you. Just wait here while I check with the boss”.

So off he goes to check with God who tells himto go back and ask them how they died.

Two minutes later he reports back to God, “They’ve gone.”

“Gone?, all the Scousers?”, queries God.

“No, the gates”, replies Peter.

 

Skittin scousers like but are funny.

[GoldfishMemory]

A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp

partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.

Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three

wishes.

 

The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.

The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion

surrounded by 50 beautiful women.

 

He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the mansion.

Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and

the floor is covered in $100 bills. Then, there's a knock at the

door. He answers it and standing there are two persons dressed in Klu

Klux Klan outfits.

 

They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb

and hang him bythe neck until he's dead.

 

As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods; it's the

two blonde genies.

 

One blonde genie says to the other one," I can understand the first

wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love

to, I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire. . . but

why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me." !!

[Ian]

[Neil]

funny stuff Everton lad

[Bill]

Physician's were urgently summoned to the Vatican as the Pope was suffering from severe pain in his lower abdomen. After careful examination and analysis the medical team advised the Pope that he could only alleviate his pain by having sex.

 

His holiness pondered the situation and advised his staff that he could only perform the act with a woman who met four criteria.

 

First she must be blind so she cannot see who she is doing it with" said the Pope.

 

Second she must be deaf so she cannot hear who she is doing it with.

 

Third, she must be dumb so even if she does learn who she done it with, she can tell no one.

 

It shall be done said his staff and they asked his holiness what the fourth criteria would be.

 

 

 

The pope replies..... make sure she has Big Tits.

Edited December 1, 2005 by toffeelicker

[MikeO]

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution.

 

'Honey,' she signs, 'Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time.'

 

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, 'Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my dick one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my dick fifty times.'

[Ian]

[Bill]

visual for you.......................

 

 

 

 

.....................................

Edited December 7, 2005 by toffeelicker

[Bill]

for Goldfish's avatar fans.

 

 

 

........................nice

[Neil]

for Goldfish's avatar fans.

........................nice

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

dont think i will ever get tired of this pic cheers toffelicker+goldfish pity it wasnt a Everton top she was wearing then it would have been the perfect pic wonder if she can play footie if she could she could play for Everton ladies team and she could do what she does in that pic every time she scores

[Bill]

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?

 

A: Its difficult to open the legs on an ironing board.

[GoldfishMemory]

Why do woman like older gynecologists?

 

Cos they have shaky hands!

[Zed]

I like this