johnh

Scotsman puts on his coat and hat to go to the pub. He says to his missus 'put your hat and coat on'. she says 'its ages since you took me to the pub'. He says ' I'm not taking you to the pub, I'm putting the heating off while I'm out'.

It doesn't matter if you have 70% possession if you don't have a shot at goal you will never win. Once we got near the penalty area it was as though the players were under orders not to shoot.
 
If the ref had given the penalty whoever took it would have passed it back.

It doesn't matter if you have 70% possession if you don't have a shot at goal you will never win. Once we got near the penalty area it was as though the players were under orders not to shoot.
 
If the ref had given the penalty whoever took it would have passed it back.

It doesn't matter if you have 70% possession if you don't have a shot at goal you will never win. Once we got near the penalty area it was as though the players were under orders not to shoot.
 
If the ref had given the penalty whoever took it would have passed it back.

It doesn't matter if you have 70% possession if you don't have a shot at goal you will never win. Once we got near the penalty area it was as though the players were under orders not to shoot.
 
If the ref had given the penalty whoever took it would have passed it back.

It doesn't matter if you have 70% possession if you don't have a shot at goal you will never win. Once we got near the penalty area it was as though the players were under orders not to shoot.
 
If the ref had given the penalty whoever took it would have passed it back.

Matt, when you're a kid you just accept things as they are. When it all started I was too young to remember what it was like before. The only thing I can remember really missing was bananas. I had a memory that I loved bananas and could actually remember the taste. Didn't have another banana for about 8 years. I remember in secondary school, a lad had a brother who was in the Navy and when his brother came home on leave he brought some bananas. The lad in our class brought a piece of banana, about an inch long, in a piece of greaseproof paper. He was a kind lad and he passed it all round the class for everyone to have a lick, when everyone had had a lick he ate it. The taste of the banana from that lick was exactly how I remembered it. Can't eat a banana now without thinking of that incident! Another lad brought in a dagger with a curved blade that his uncle had brought home from the Middle East. We were in the Science room with big wooden tables and the lad was stabbing the knife into the table top. One of the other lads spread his hand out on the table and kept pulling it away before the knife got down. The inevitable happened and his hand got pinned to the table. All in a days schooling!

Old guy was talking to his wife one day and suddenly said 'when I die I want you to sell my golf clubs immediately'. His wife was puzzled and asked 'why?' The old guy said 'well, you are still an attractive woman and I think you will marry again and I don't wan't some no-mark using my clubs'. His wife said 'what makes you think I will marry another no-mark'?

Matt, when you're a kid you just accept things as they are. When it all started I was too young to remember what it was like before. The only thing I can remember really missing was bananas. I had a memory that I loved bananas and could actually remember the taste. Didn't have another banana for about 8 years. I remember in secondary school, a lad had a brother who was in the Navy and when his brother came home on leave he brought some bananas. The lad in our class brought a piece of banana, about an inch long, in a piece of greaseproof paper. He was a kind lad and he passed it all round the class for everyone to have a lick, when everyone had had a lick he ate it. The taste of the banana from that lick was exactly how I remembered it. Can't eat a banana now without thinking of that incident! Another lad brought in a dagger with a curved blade that his uncle had brought home from the Middle East. We were in the Science room with big wooden tables and the lad was stabbing the knife into the table top. One of the other lads spread his hand out on the table and kept pulling it away before the knife got down. The inevitable happened and his hand got pinned to the table. All in a days schooling!

During the 90 minutes he spends more time rolling over and over than he does on his feet playing football.

I see Sterling got his usual penalty. He's taking over from Ashley Cole as the best diver in the Premiership.

I see Sterling got his usual penalty. He's taking over from Ashley Cole as the best diver in the Premiership.

The big risk is penalties. Suarez and Sterling are two of the worst (best) 'divers' in the Premiership. Hope the ref is strong and not influenced by the Anfield crowd.

Three mates married girls from different parts of the world. One married a Filipino, One married a Thai girl and one married a Scouse girl.
The guy who married the Filipino girl gave her instructions on all the housework and cooking she had to do. At the end of the first day he saw some work done and by the end of the second day a little more. By the end of the third day it was all being done.
The guy who married the Thai girl had the same experience and by the third day everything was being done.
The guy who married the Scouse girl gave her instructions on all the housework and cooking she had to do. By the end of the first day he couldn't see that anything had been done, nor on the second day. On the third day the swelling on his eye had gone down and he was able to see that nothing had been done. He was limping a lot better and was able to fill the dishwasher even though his arm was in a sling.

Three mates married girls from different parts of the world. One married a Filipino, One married a Thai girl and one married a Scouse girl.
The guy who married the Filipino girl gave her instructions on all the housework and cooking she had to do. At the end of the first day he saw some work done and by the end of the second day a little more. By the end of the third day it was all being done.
The guy who married the Thai girl had the same experience and by the third day everything was being done.
The guy who married the Scouse girl gave her instructions on all the housework and cooking she had to do. By the end of the first day he couldn't see that anything had been done, nor on the second day. On the third day the swelling on his eye had gone down and he was able to see that nothing had been done. He was limping a lot better and was able to fill the dishwasher even though his arm was in a sling.

Three mates married girls from different parts of the world. One married a Filipino, One married a Thai girl and one married a Scouse girl.
The guy who married the Filipino girl gave her instructions on all the housework and cooking she had to do. At the end of the first day he saw some work done and by the end of the second day a little more. By the end of the third day it was all being done.
The guy who married the Thai girl had the same experience and by the third day everything was being done.
The guy who married the Scouse girl gave her instructions on all the housework and cooking she had to do. By the end of the first day he couldn't see that anything had been done, nor on the second day. On the third day the swelling on his eye had gone down and he was able to see that nothing had been done. He was limping a lot better and was able to fill the dishwasher even though his arm was in a sling.

What puzzles me is why Manure only scored one penalty out of five when you consider how much practise they get from all the penalties awarded to them at Old Trafford. The reason Januzaj missed his, was that he was confused to be taking a penalty he hadn't dived for.

Always admire people who can smile in the face of adversity. My mate lost both his legs and his voice in an accident but you don't hear him making a song and dance about it.

Always admire people who can smile in the face of adversity. My mate lost both his legs and his voice in an accident but you don't hear him making a song and dance about it.

What puzzles me is why Manure only scored one penalty out of five when you consider how much practise they get from all the penalties awarded to them at Old Trafford. The reason Januzaj missed his, was that he was confused to be taking a penalty he hadn't dived for.

What puzzles me is why Manure only scored one penalty out of five when you consider how much practise they get from all the penalties awarded to them at Old Trafford. The reason Januzaj missed his, was that he was confused to be taking a penalty he hadn't dived for.

What puzzles me is why Manure only scored one penalty out of five when you consider how much practise they get from all the penalties awarded to them at Old Trafford. The reason Januzaj missed his, was that he was confused to be taking a penalty he hadn't dived for.

My favourite season was 1948/49, mainly because I didn't miss a single home game that season. The highlight was the record crowd of 78,299 against Liverpool 1 - 1. The lowest crowd that season was just over 25,000 against Blackpool. Everyone wanted to see Stanley Matthews playing for Blackpool but it was announced on the Friday that he wouldn't be playing. Perhaps the other reason for the low turnout was the fact that there was six inches of snow on the pitch and it was snowing heavily all day. Today, there is no way the game would be played but then they just seemed to get on with it. Everton won 5 - 0 with Eddie Wainwright bagging four. The odd thing is, the one thing I remember is that there was 6 inches of snow on top of the crossbars of the goal. In the first half Eddie Wainwright hit a shot that skimmed the bar and took a 'bite size' chunk out of the snow. it was still there when the game finished. I reckon that the average home crowd that season was not far short of 50,000. Another game I remember from that season was against Manchester City - it was on Christmas day. I had received my first pair of football socks as a Christmas present. In those times of austerity, just after the war, you couldn't just go out and get a pair of blue and white hooped socks, so I had to make do with red and navy blue hoops. Still, they were football socks and I wore them to the game on Christmas day. Frank Swift played a blinder for City and we had to make do with a 0- 0
draw. We played the return match against City two days later and it finished 0- 0 again.
I used to go with my brother who was 13 months older than me but several years older in maturity. After some games when Everton had lost I was almost in tears with frustration but my brother used to be able to analyse the game sensibly and identify just how much, and why, the opposition deserved to win. If he hadn't been my brother I'd have punched his lights out!
Saw my last game at Goodison in 1951 before we moved away from Liverpool but the memories of those days will be with me for ever.
 

The Manure only scored one penalty out of five.

Moyes has stated that he will not allow Rooney to be transferred to a rival team in the Premiership. Apparently, Norwich City and Hull City are gutted.