Cake

Disappointed in this thread. When I saw the title I thought it would be about sandwiches.

http://www.evertonfc.com/news/archive/2013/11/22/boss-hints-at-derby-debuts First paragraph of this report had me saying, out loud; "Oh fuck! Please don't do that!", (start Lukaku, Barkley and Deulofeu seems to be the hint) as we'll get battered. Then he goes on to explain it and suddenly everything makes sense as he clearly knows what he's doing; "I think there are certain positions on the pitch where it is better to know what to expect. There are others where it is better to be fresh and raw to use that talent in your advantage. "The creative positions are where you can take advantage of that fearless approach." followed by the comforter; "Defensively, you need to be well aware, to anticipate and to control a fixture like this is where experience is welcome. "It's finding the right mixture and the right time for every player to play a part. "What's most important everyone is pushing in the same direction, gets Goodison rocking and making that home advantage a big part of our performance." This hopefully has the makings of a very good game. I hope we really go for it.... big time.

http://www.transfermarkt.co.uk/en/everton-fc/schiedsrichterdetail/verein_29_384.html Here's Dowd's record for every game he's reffed for us. He's never given a penalty against us when we've been at home. He's only given 3 penalties against us when we've been away (2 PL, 1 FA Cup), but one of those was for you know who! He's only given us 3 penalties (2 PL, 1 FA Cup). He did give us 7 yellows and 1 red in the derby at Anfield in 2006. To his credit though he did send Gary Neville off in that game at Goodison in April 2005. This will be his 4th Merseyside derby - 1st at Goodison.

He had one season with Fulham when his goal tally got into double figures. He's somehow managed to feed off this and earn himself some serious money. He was shite at Spurs, but so are loads of others who go there. When the going gets tough he's someone who can be relied upon to get going where the action isn't. When he's not scoring he doesn't create. I don't care what his other stats are, heart rate, family history, preferred pre-match meal, he's clearly back where he wants to be and definitely where he belongs so he should stay there and keep the fuck away from Everton Football Club.

Commentator during last night's embarrassment; "this is down to there only being 5 English players who started last week's Champions League games" - he then switched his mic off and asked Andy Arl Arse Townsend; "where's that other bag of straws I brought in here for me to clutch at?" England are shite. Have been for many years. They're going to get proper fucked in the World Cup. DVD compilation of most embarrassing moments to follow in time for Christmas 2014.

“Me and my dad have always had a plan when we’ve sat down and discussed my future,” he told the Blackpool Gazette. This surely isn't to earn as big a signing on fee as possible, due to being out of contract at the end of this season? He's a very good Championship, or below, player on his day. The Premier League would swallow him up, whole, and shit him out in little Ince pellets.

Perhaps the below par performances this season can be put down to a distraction created by United's interest in him but have said before he can't possibly play any better, for anybody, than he played last season. He can only maintain the same standard or fall back. He's done alright for us and been paid well for it so, distracted or not, pack his bags for that money and I'll warm the car up!

The Daily Mail are running a story about Adam Johnson showing his playful side and great friendship with Aguero after Johnson pinched Aguero's arse before yesterday's game. What a cheeky minx he is, that Johnson. I'll bet they howled laughing and nudged each other, knowingly, in a bloke way. The only downside is the Mail ran the story under the headline; "Football Star In Immigrant Sex Abuse Scandal"

Gerrard & Sturridge 'injured' for England's friendlies just after they've been running round like a couple of bunnies on crack a couple of days before. Now that's just a fucking coincidence isn't it! Who the sweet fuck do these people think they are? It's a shame England are so shite as a nation when it comes to football (among other things) as it would be good if they could be left out of the World Cup because Roy couldn't be arsed to pick them.

FA Cup 1st round - excellent win for Stourbridge today (down the road from me). Would like them to reach 3rd round and draw us. Based on our performance against Palace today I wouldn't fancy our chances if Stourbridge were in the mood for it! Watching FA Cup highlights instead of that boring up its own arse Premier League shite. It is frigging boring though, isn't it!

We have no edge. No plan B, almost. Save Delofeu & Barkley each week until Mirallas & Osman run out of steam isn't the answer. Not far off like watching football by numbers and that's just plain boring. Tippy tappy nonsense this week, unable to break a team down who did to us what we've done to many in the past. Long ball tedium last week, in the main. Pfft! Disappointing.

Not one Englishman in Man City's starting 11 tonight. English Champions, my arse!

There is an annoying trend to start responses with "Yes no..........." Hansen's monotonous "great hit", "two great feet" in that backwoods accent of his is almost as bad as monotone Alan Foghorn Leghorn Shearer who repeats I say repeats so many things like he has forgotten where he was where he was up to I want to put to put my fist through the screen and and slap him to liven him up liven him up a bit.

Back from Cyprus a couple of days ago. I was right to look forward to it. Have been many times over the last 21 years and hasn't disappointed, so far, apart from it's going a bit expensive for us Brits since they went to the Euro and the Scandinavians and Russians are now there in their droves so paying what are expensive prices to us, for Cyprus, are cheap (half or less than half price) to what the Scandinavians or Russians pay at home so Cyprus could well become their Spain of the 70s, 80s and 90s, as it was to us, but that's up to the Cypriots and whether or not they want to sell their soul. Anyway, have decided to look in to living and working there and have, in fact, already made enquiries about work. The climate and Cypriots in general more than make up for any rash ideas they have about tourism so when we next qualify for European football maybe I'll get to see the mighty Blues in the 3rd qualifying round of the Europa Cup in July against one of their top Nicosia or Limassol sides.

I knew this guy would prove to be a waste of space. Thoughtlessly tries to get himself sent off TWICE and plays silly fuckers with a goal-bound shot when he was clearly in an offside position. Liability! One decent tackle he's made all season and that was against a guy who is likely older than he is. As he used to play for Villa can't we ask the FA to exclude him from next weekend's game, too, like City?

Borussia Dortmund reported having 500,000 member applications for tickets for last season's CL final. There will be a fair few armchair fans amongst that lot, some touts too no doubt. Benfica claim to have 14 million members around the world - the world's best supported football club, they claim. Plenty of their followers with dents in the sofa, there. Not going to the game or not being able to go to the game, for whatever reason, doesn't mean you care any less than those who haven't missed a game since 19 bow and arrow. It also doesn't mean those who don't go to the game aren't entitled to a vote about a crest (get me and I don't even fucking vote Liberal!). You can shove that tower, for my money. Who the fuck wants to be associated with what is now a stump of a structure which used to be used to lock up drunks until they sobered up? I don't and others might think I'm blasphemous about our heritage and that I'm not "on it" and "all over it" but they're going to have to tell someone who gives a flying fuck. It's a fucking ridiculous thing to have on any badge or on anything else and, the more I think about it, the next time I'm in Liverpool I'm going to have a shit on top of it! Game or no game. Shirt or no shirt. A follower is a follower and we have many. Keep pushing people away because they weren't there when we clinched the league in '68 against West Brom, weren't there at Oxford for 'that' back pass by Kevin Brock in '84, fell asleep shit-faced in an enormous concrete drain on Rotterdam docks and nearly missed your ferry home in '85 after celebrating your team's first European trophy and many, many more memorable and forgettable experiences before and after these dates and it will mean you're left with your history and your memories and no fucker will want to listen to you and why should they!? It's always some other bastard's fault! But at least we'll still have our fucking tower!

Ever Banega (Valencia). I think we were in for him last season? On tonight's showing I'm glad it didn't happen. Swansea were good but they weren't that good to make Valencia look so poor. Valencia looked like they'd never seen each other before.

Priceless! Thank fuck for broken clocks.

Yes

In which case, I'll have option 3)

I'm really looking forward to seeing this bloke play for us. Can see nothing but success and hope it works out for him and for us.

Lukaku for Jelavic and everyone else as they were. I would like us to batter West Ham to give that depressive twat Allardyce something else to whine about. If I was him I would kill myself. That sad bastard serves no purpose, sounds like he gets no enjoyment out of anything. There's every chance he has no friends and his family hate him and take the piss out of him behind his back. A miserable unforgiving waste of oxygen and he'd be better off out of it. 6-0, Lukaku (3), Barkley, Mirallas, Deulofeu with West Ham deserving a point in Big Sam's book.

That's not a looks like that's an is. He's a thick cunt!

Bundesliga Highlights The anchorwoman, Isabella Mueller Reinhardt, has got to be a bloke. Hands like shovels! The players standing in a line at the end of the game facing their fans, hands joined, then waving their arms up and down in time with the crowd. All a bit odd and a bit closet Nazi salute, if you ask me. Much prefer MOTD, Cheeky Gary Lineker with Mrs Hansen & Lawrenson and our players rushing off at the end of the game to be the first to tweet about what they've just done.

Joaquin Phoenix as Johnny Cash, Walk The Line Jack Nicholson as McMurphy, One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest Baloo the bear as Baloo the bear, The Jungle Book Edward Norton as Aaron Stampler, Primal Fear