iggy

Tony Blair started jogging near his home in Chequers. Every day, he'd jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner. He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.. "Fifty pounds!" she'd shout from the curb. "No! Five pounds!" Tony would fire back. This ritual between Tony and the hooker became a daily occurrence. He'd run by and she'd yell, "Fifty pounds!" He'd yell back, "Five pounds!" One day, Cherie decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his daily jog. As the jogging couple neared the working woman's street corner, Tony realized she'd bark her £ 50 offer and Cherie would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings. He figured he'd better have a darn good explanation for the 'Boss' As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, Tony became even more apprehensive than usual. Sure enough, there was the hooker. Tony tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog past. Then, from the sidewalk, the hooker yelled, "See what you get for a fiver!!!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit." We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?" I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

Absolute quality Mike, I think I'll wait a bit longer before I try posting anymore!!

Nice one Licker!

Well.. 4 actually!! 4 members are celebrating their birthday today bluemonkey(19), phil_m(24), sconnerefc(21), BigEye(28) Happy birthdays one and all !!

It also recognises his contributions in the performances of Australia on the international stage. There can be no doubting his impact on games at club and country level, and it's great for him to be recognised and make the list, but in all honesty he is extremely unlikely to actually win it!!

Search on google when I became a bit disillusioned with the blueroom

Picked this up off Sky, it would seem that Beneathus was not impressed........ Charlton Athletic have told skysports.com that Scott Carson will not be rejoining Liverpool as emergency cover for Jerzy Dudek. The Polish shot stopper picked up a three-match ban after receiving a red card in a reserve clash against Everton, and, with both Carson and Chris Kirkland out on loan at Premiership clubs, Dudek's only possible replacement as backup for Jose Reina is currently 20-year-old novice David Martin. The promising custodian was recruited from MK Dons last season but has yet to figure in Benitez's first team plans, and the Spaniard has indicated that he will look into recalling Carson as he also contemplates an appeal against Dudek's dismissal for a confrontation with Toffees striker Victor Anichebe. "We will have to check on the agreement we have with Charlton before deciding if we can bring Scott back in this situation," explained Benitez to the Liverpool Echo. "I've been watching the video again and it's clear we have to do something. The tackle on Jerzy was terrible. "We will be seeing if we can appeal this decision because when you see the tackle on Jerzy, it's clear what happened. "The tackle was so bad, and yet the player only received a yellow card. It's crazy." However The Reds are set to be frustrated in their attempts to bring Carson back to the Anfield fold as Charlton have confirmed that, under the terms of the England Under-21 international's season-long loan, he can only be recalled by Liverpool in the January transfer window at the earliest. "As we understand, under the terms of the loan, he can be recalled in the January transfer window but not before," a club spokeswoman told skysports.com. As a result of Dudek's dismissal Liverpool will currently be short for the upcoming Premiership games with Manchester United and Aston Villa, as well as the Carling Cup game against Reading in which the Polish international would, in all likelihood, have started in a rare appearance.

Most London based teams have support round here plus Pompey and the usual Liverpool/Man U "fans" who wouldn't know there home grounds if they fell over them!! Being home to the University of Surrey though, you can get to see shirts wandering around town representing most teams

There are actually more round here than I thought, don't get to GP as often as I would like, watched the barcodes game in a nearby pub and met 2 more Bluenoses in there!!

And you're only just up the A3 from me!! (Guildford) Welcome aboard.

Welcome Aussie, plenty on here to keep you amused. You still in Aus or are you "on walkabout"?

http://upload4.postimage.org/1052118/photo_hosting.html

From the story above..... Mutu did not produce a positive result for any banned substance in the test conducted by Chelsea, with his positive cocaine readings following an official FA test.

Can't remember Mikeo, that course was way way back in time when I were nowt but a lad! There is a minimum difference between the two but wether its 5 or 10 or what I can't remember!

Lets just pray it's not Nace!!

I like that!!

No, although the variances in size would suggest that, the regulationsdo state that the pitch cannot be square. Mind you I am dredging this up from a referees course I did in the mid '60's!!

Did that link work guys?

This might be it (Youtube is filtered where I work) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTRaS7ffyWg

Has someone at the FA finally discovered a set of balls?!! The Football Association are to examine the disciplinary procedures surrounding Ben Thatcher's challenge on Pedro Mendes that left the Portsmouth midfielder requiring hospital treatment. Manchester City defender Thatcher somehow escaped with a yellow card after an ugly incident five minutes into the second half of the Premiership clash at Eastlands on Wednesday, as he ran to the touchline to challenge the Pompey man and thrust his forearm into Mendes' jaw. As a result the Portuguese midfielder suffered a seizure and had to be stretchered off before being taken to hospital. Thatcher's actions infuriated Pompey boss Harry Redknapp who called for The FA to take action against the former Tottenham and Wimbledon man. As referee Dermot Gallagher did brandish a yellow card it had seemed as though Thatcher would escape further action, but the powerbrokers at Soho Square are now treating the case as an exceptional incident. The City defender has previously been punished for elbowing Sunderland's Nicky Summerbee in 2000, for which he received a two game ban, and may now find himself in hot water again following his latest indiscretion.

Absolutely, his only intent was to take out the player any way he could, downright thuggery. The FA will probably do bugger all so it will have to be left to civil action for any kind of punishment!

Disgraceful what he did last night! The FA ought to come down really hard on him for that................ but I'm not holding my breath! Mendes or Redknapp should make an official complaint to the police for assault!!

URIAH FIRKIN RENNIE!!!!! (Sorry for shouting)

Echo the above. Could have picked a week earlier though mate!