Matt Posted April 20, 2011 Report Share Posted April 20, 2011 "A shark will only attack you when you're wet" "rehab is for quitters" "The meaning behind when a womans says 'go ahead'... This is not permission, its a dare" "Thanks to you Bob she thinks people are chocolate with a creamy caring centre and..." "Thats nonsense. People are bastard coated bastards with bastard filling" I used to be indecisive, but now im not sure "I am gonna yank that gall bladder outta you so fast that your spleen is going to say to your kidney 'WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO FRANK?!?'. thats right. you're spleen named your gall bladder Frank..." "Wow, a limo.... SHOTGUN!" If youre going to do something wrong, do it right "What seems to be the officer, Problem?" "Ford, youre turning into a penguin. Stop it" "im not confused.... or am i??" "of course youre intelligent Zoe, dont be so stupid" Beef is just processed grass... Carpe Jugulum Vegetarianism is an eating disorder. Discuss... "I mean, why do women put their finger up your arse? i kno theres the prostate gland up there, but thats only so that crapping is fun" Is it rape if the tree doesn't want to be hugged? There is nothing common about sense i dont talk izzle... there are 10 kinds of people who understand binary; those who do and those who dont... ive been thinking with my guts since i was 14 years old, and frankly, between you and me, ive come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains... roses are red, violets are blue, im no good at poems, but told i have many other qualities to make up for it.... Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity... The main difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.... How come the word 'phonetics' isnt spelt how it sounds, 'abbreviation' is such a long word and that theres no other word for 'synonym'? What does misery love? .... If you help Jack onto the horse, do you help Jack off the horse? Good things come to those who wait.... "the only difference with vegetarians is that they die healthier" "Can you still breast feed with false tits?" "'Course, just tastes like UHT..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rubecula Posted April 20, 2011 Report Share Posted April 20, 2011 Who is the cruel b'stard that first called it a 'Lisp'? "It may be terminal, but is it serious?" "I would break every bone in my body for any club I played for, but I would die for Everton." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marcopaulo Posted April 20, 2011 Report Share Posted April 20, 2011 Bein nice gets you nailed in the arse...and i'm a giver not a taker Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smeghead1 Posted April 20, 2011 Report Share Posted April 20, 2011 Im a schizophrenic, and so am i. Nice arse shame about the face. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marcopaulo Posted April 20, 2011 Report Share Posted April 20, 2011 ahh yes..a rear view hottie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smeghead1 Posted April 21, 2011 Report Share Posted April 21, 2011 ahh yes..a rear view hottie Thats the one Marco and my mate refers to some girls as bobfocs-body of baywatch face of crimewatch! Same thing really. Another favourite quote was used by Craig Charles while commentating on Takeshis Castle i couldnt believe he said 'as my old man would say if it wont go in Spit on it'. Think it was when he was going thru his narcotic abuse phase! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marcopaulo Posted April 21, 2011 Report Share Posted April 21, 2011 that's ace...an old guy i used to know said a few things that never made sense to me or were just complete rhubarb... 'if you catch a weasel asleep piss in it's ear' 'he's alright he's from brinscall' 'listen to me, listen to me...don't listen to me' 'gonna have a big ball of chicken for me tea..with some owd murphy's' 'big ball of owd ballbag' 'if you ever see me drunk, buy me a pint' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smeghead1 Posted April 21, 2011 Report Share Posted April 21, 2011 I know its partly a joke but the saying made me giggle its on a Jimmy Carr dvd i think-'most girls i meet have legs like oysters you need a knife to get them open'. Its wrong that i found that funny isnt it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt Posted April 21, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 21, 2013 didnt want to start a new thread, to save Bills nerves Favourite movie quotes (Guess the movie)... Man: We've got to get this man to a hospital Woman: Doctor, what is it? Man: its a big building with lots of sick people in it, but thats not important right now. Romey 1878 and pete0 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dalziel Kane Posted April 21, 2013 Report Share Posted April 21, 2013 I'm maybe with William on this. Thought straight away, it was another new thread, got irritated, then realized it was a resurrection of an old one, and calmed down a little. I don't know what the above quote is. Sounds like something from a 'carry on' film with the usual regulars but don't fully know. Either that or from one of the Naked Gun movies. Something along those lines Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikeO Posted April 21, 2013 Report Share Posted April 21, 2013 I don't know what the above quote is. Sounds like something from a 'carry on' film with the usual regulars but don't fully know. Either that or from one of the Naked Gun movies. Something along those lines Airplane. Matt 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt Posted April 21, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 21, 2013 (edited) one of the best films ever, even appreciated by someone who is terrified of flying! edit: got the quote a little wrong, I feel ashamed! Edited April 21, 2013 by Matt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pete0 Posted April 21, 2013 Report Share Posted April 21, 2013 I'm maybe with William on this. Thought straight away, it was another new thread, got irritated, then realized it was a resurrection of an old one, and calmed down a little. I don't know what the above quote is. Sounds like something from a 'carry on' film with the usual regulars but don't fully know. Either that or from one of the Naked Gun movies. Something along those lines Shirley you can't be serious. Matt 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt Posted April 21, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 21, 2013 Shirley you can't be serious. thanks Pete pete0 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dalziel Kane Posted April 21, 2013 Report Share Posted April 21, 2013 I thought it could well be Leslie Neilsen. If not him, then Sidney James. You can just picture them saying it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bill Posted April 22, 2013 Report Share Posted April 22, 2013 His ten best .... http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/tvandradio/8167824/Leslie-Nielsens-funniest-lines.html Matt 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dalziel Kane Posted April 22, 2013 Report Share Posted April 22, 2013 I wasn't even aware Neilsen was deceased ! Don't even remember the news when it appeared, and only two or three years ago (it said) of all things. It's a bit belated, but a few days ago was the 25th anniversary of the death of one Kenneth Williams, one of the greatest humor characters the UK ever produced so it's only fair to give him a mention while on the subject of comedians and their film appearances RIP to both great figures that we lost Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoodisonRoad Posted April 22, 2013 Report Share Posted April 22, 2013 (edited) From friends; Having to pick what to assign ducks and clowns too... Joey: Okay, Ducks is heads because Ducks have heads. (when flipping a coin) Chandler: what kind of scary ass clowns came to your birthday!? Edited April 22, 2013 by GoodisonRoad Matt, marcopaulo and Peter H 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marcopaulo Posted April 23, 2013 Report Share Posted April 23, 2013 chandler is ace Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikeO Posted April 23, 2013 Report Share Posted April 23, 2013 chandler is ace Never seen a full episode of Friends....watch an occasional minute, thought "...what a pile of shit..." and turned over or off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marcopaulo Posted April 23, 2013 Report Share Posted April 23, 2013 you're just a grumpy old goat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikeO Posted April 23, 2013 Report Share Posted April 23, 2013 you're just a grumpy old goat Possibly . But I'm allowed....as you get older you're supposed to be rude and obnoxious to people, it's in the contract you sign on your fiftieth birthday (damn I'm not supposed to talk about that ). Life wouldn't be worth living otherwise . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marcopaulo Posted April 23, 2013 Report Share Posted April 23, 2013 think i needed to sign that 10 years ago to be honest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt Posted April 23, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 23, 2013 Never seen a full episode of Friends....watch an occasional minute, thought "...what a pile of shit..." and turned over or off. to be honest, it deserves the boxset. nothing special but good nonsense shite Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dalziel Kane Posted April 24, 2013 Report Share Posted April 24, 2013 I would rather look directly into the sun than watch five minutes of that show. One of our country's less memorable exports. Totally devoid of any humor or amusement and how some can take any enjoyment from it, is their business. And that's being benevolent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marcopaulo Posted April 24, 2013 Report Share Posted April 24, 2013 i bet you could find issue with falling into a barrel of naked kelly brook's DK Matt 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dalziel Kane Posted April 24, 2013 Report Share Posted April 24, 2013 I'd rather it was someone else. Exaggerated and hyperbole woman. Nothing special that I could ever find. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marcopaulo Posted April 24, 2013 Report Share Posted April 24, 2013 you ain't been lookin hard enough Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peter H Posted April 24, 2013 Report Share Posted April 24, 2013 I would rather look directly into the sun than watch five minutes of that show. One of our country's less memorable exports. Totally devoid of any humor or amusement and how some can take any enjoyment from it, is their business. And that's being benevolent. Slightly curious to hear your opinion on good american sitcoms. Which US sitcoms are funny to you? I think Friends is well up there along with How I met your mother and a few others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peter H Posted April 24, 2013 Report Share Posted April 24, 2013 i bet you could find issue with falling into a barrel of naked kelly brook's DK More than one Kelly Brook or a barrel full of parts from Kelly Brook? Id have a massive issue with the later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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