johnh

Don't worry about not knowing the rules. In one of England's games neither of the two umpires on the field or the third umpire knew the rules and gave the England batsman 'run out' from a 'dead ball'. I would recommend that you don't try and learn the rules as the book is about 9 inches thick.

Did anyone see the Scotland v N Ireland game? What was that Scottish strip all about? It looked like it was designed by a colour blind Scotsman who had had a few drams too many.

Mike, that's a coincidence, my wife told it to me - it was advice not a joke!

Two policemen radio back to base that they have found a woman who shot her husband for walking on the floor she had just mopped. The desk sergeant asks them if they've arrested her. 'No' says the policeman. 'Why not' says the desk sergeant. 'The floors still wet' says the policeman.

Big sob story in the Telegraph Sport today. How 'Stevie' reacted to the sending off. After showering and changing into the club suit he stood in the middle of the dressing room and apologised to manager, players and supporters. It appears the only person he did not apologise to was the player he stamped on.

And the one trick is a swallow dive.

Just had a read of the 'live' Liverpool website for the Man U game. Before the end of the first half they were posting for Gerrard to come on. They were playing so bad and he was to be their saviour. To read the subsequent posts you would have to have a heart of stone not to laugh. What did surprise me though was the number of posts that were anti-Sterling, and there's me thinking I was the only one!

At half-time, BBC stats showed us as having 6 attempts on goal against two from QPR. In the second-half we had two attempts on goal against QPR 10. Sounds like RM told them at half-time to sit on the lead? He has previous for this.

Gerrard finally ran out of luck. In 90 seconds on the pitch he got a yellow and a straight red! Made up for all the times he got a yellow and ref's chickened out of giving him a second yellow.

One of the two dark days in the season when I have to support Man U. Fellaini and Mata have been outstanding for Man U, Rooney has been dire. Let's hope Man U hold on to their lead.

Don't know if anyone saw the West Ham goal against Sunderland today. A Sunderland defender on the edge of the penalty area was just about to head the ball clear when he got clattered (and flattened) from behind by a West Ham player. The West Ham player didn't get anywhere near the ball which broke loose and West Ham scored. The ref was stood about 5 yards away and let play go on. Couldn't believe it and I played when you could clatter from behind. It would have been a foul even in my day.

Don't know why England can't play every game like that instead of the turgid stuff they usually come up with.

I read somewhere that he was never on Rangers books or had trials for them. He played there in a charity game or something.

I hope none of the Premiership managers watched tonight, our defensive weaknesses were on display.

Howard has been caught on the edge of the six yard box by two shots that went in just under the bar. His positioning is poor.

Our defence is a joke. Coleman is having his worst game ever.

We are losing all the balls in the air, both in attack and defence. When they get a set piece in our half I am shitting myself. Howard is not coming for anything.

Good pick that. I would just strengthen it a bit by putting Lennon in goal instead of Howard.

The problem with Lukaku is the vast gap between his good game and his bad game. This is very frustrating for supporters who know just how good he can be but seldom see it. At his best he is Roy of the Rovers, at his worst he is Balotelli.

Not sure where to post this. My brother who lives in Middlesbrough was walking through the town when he was stopped by two guys, one with a camera and one with a mic. They asked my brother if they could ask him some questions about Middlesbrough Football Club. My brother said 'I'm an Everton supporter'. The camera man said 'So am I'. They get everywhere these Everton supporters.

In a few years time when several more teams have gone bust, there will only be five or six teams on the starting grid. Teams will be asked to put a third car in the race just to keep the numbers up.

1. Man City 2. Arsenal 3. Chelsea 4. Man Utd 5. Liverpool And I hate Chelsea.

30 minutes no shot at goal.

20 minutes gone and we haven't had a single shot at goal yet.

Terry has come out and defended the Chelsea players. He said that when you see the opposition players surrounding the referee, you have to react. He said 'its all part of the game now'.