Howardshands

I know this is an old one but there may be one or two younger posters who haven't seen it. It is the letter written by an employee to the Personnel Department, explaining his absence.
 
Sir
Following the recent gales, I inspected my roof and found some bricks had come loose which needed replacing. I rigged up a beam with a pulley at the top of the house and hoisted up a barrel full of new bricks. After I had finished laying the new bricks I had to dispose of the old bricks. I had lowered the barrel back down to the ground so I hoisted the barrel back up and climbed down to secure the line at the bottom. I climbed back up and filled the barrel with the old bricks. Then I climbed down to the bottom and unfastened the line. The barrel of bricks was heavier than me and as the barrel started down, I was jerked off the ground. I decided to hang on but half-way up I met the barrel coming down and received a severe blow on the shoulder. I then continued to the top banging my head against the beam and trapping my fingers in the pulley. When the barrel hit the ground it burst open at the bottom and all the bricks spilled out. I was now heavier than the barrel so started down at high speed. Half-way down I met the barrel coming up and received severe injuries to my legs. When I hit the ground I landed on the old bricks getting several painful cuts from the sharp edges. At this point I think I lost my presence of mind because I let go of the line and the barrel descended giving me a heavy blow to my head, putting me in hospital. Sir, as soon as I am able to walk, I will send a sick note.

United are trying to play hard ball, we've proven to be better negotiators in recent years. Keep the faith

Would be mildly disappointing but Cleverley seems more like a luxury than a necessity. We've already done our important business. Can always just save that loan spot for January.

I've seen unknown play and he totally lacks identity as a player. Don't think he'd fit in here.

Spurs have easier group than Everton, but much tougher travel. Their exhaustion factor looks high. Match locales are crucial for Nov. 27 ties. I'll hope their Nov. 27 tie is away, and ours is at Goodison, as we play Spurs Nov. 30 in London. Definitely bad schedule if we are away at Krasnodar Nov. 27.

They finished one point off Champions League qualification in the Bundesliga. Perisic, De Bruyne, Luiz Gustavo, Guilavogui, Hunt, Rodriguez, Arnold are all very good players.
 
And Lille got 71 points in Ligue 1.
 
About the hardest group in the entire competition imo.

We want AaB now!

It's a VERY good draw for us. Seriously. Wolfsburg aren't what they were, bunch of primadonnas. Bendtner is their main striker!!! Wake up people.

Could just do with this last team to be as near as possible travel wise then at least we will of avoided russia and ukraine...

Lille and Wolfsburg! Fairly tough!

Rubes, did you take your meds today?

Just signed for peanuts apparently
 

Ha! That's great. I randomly generated one for Iker Casillas that said "Star will net 10k pounds for every goal scored!"
Which doesn't seem like the best way to incentivize a goalkeeper!

He is very athletic. In fact, he jumps 1.92 in the high jump and is swedens fastest youngster over 300 meters.

Brilliant name! Sign him up.

I seen it on the news last night, main story was Di Maria signs for £60m & in other news, they lost 4-0! Pissed me self

Wouldn't have been my first choice but 100% behind him now.

ETOO SIGNS: Everton sign 3-times Champions League winner @setoo9 on a two-year deal. #WelcomeSamuel http://t.co/45wLXhDqae

Watching the first goal for them back, Jags and Distin have to do better too. They all switched off.

@premierleague posted this little nugget:
 
Swansea & Burnley have met in the 4th, 3rd & 2nd tier of English football. On Saturday, they clash in the #BPL for the 1st time #SWABUR

That's what I'm talkin' about.

Chair I designed in work last year. I'm in marketing but consult on Interior Design, through the company.
 

My wife suggested "Forgettable Sex in the City" and "My Big Fat Greek Wedding Night".
Maybe I should be worried.

We always try to play high tempo. A build-up using short passes and a high tempo are not mutually exclusive. Just look at the first half of our last game, like Bailey said. And for anyone who's gonna argue that Barcelona's tiki taka is boring regardless, we don't play like them: we still emphasize wing play and still put in a shit-ton of crosses for example, we do try to blend the two styles. It's also got nothing to do with how agressive or conservative you defend, just think of the 1-1 draw at the Emirates last year where we barely allowed Arsenal to get out of their own half for the first 40 minutes of the game or so.
 
Playing direct football with lots of long forward balls doesn't always result in a high tempo either, just think of all of the times under Moyes where we were working the ball around the opposition box going nowhere after we hoofed it forward and managed to bring the ball back under our control in that area. Also with Fellaini and Cahill gone we simply don't have the player that could make that work imo.
 
If anything, we needed to control possession better and needed to slow things down against Leicester. That would have allowed us to rest and defend (they can't score if we've got the ball) on the ball. Anything can happen in an open, uptempo game and we conceded an equalizer.

My wife suggested "Forgettable Sex in the City" and "My Big Fat Greek Wedding Night".
Maybe I should be worried.