johnh

Bill,
78 last St. Patrick's day. Managed 9 holes of golf today though!

Just mentioned to the wife that I thought the spark had gone out of our marriage and she tasered me.

Oi! I'm 78 and don't look as old as Robben.

Oi! I'm 78 and don't look as old as Robben.

Oi! I'm 78 and don't look as old as Robben.

Oi! I'm 78 and don't look as old as Robben.

Oi! I'm 78 and don't look as old as Robben.

Just mentioned to the wife that I thought the spark had gone out of our marriage and she tasered me.

There is a half page report in the Telegraph on the Greece v Costa Rica match and Samaras doesn't get a single mention.

Did you know? Statistically, there is more chance of being bitten by Louis Suarez than a shark.

As England now have spare time on their hands Hodgson has arranged three friendlies. Iceland, Tesco and Asda.

Did you know? Statistically, there is more chance of being bitten by Louis Suarez than a shark.

Did you know? Statistically, there is more chance of being bitten by Louis Suarez than a shark.

If you want a good laugh have a read of some of the posts on the Liverpool forum re the Suarez issue. They think its all a conspiracy. The video replays are doctored, the marks on the defenders shoulder were caused by hisown nails. You would need a heart of stone not to laugh.

Platini, head honcho of UEFA and who has his eyes on Blatter's job in FIFA, is on record as saying he wants tackling eliminating from the game. Diving and feigning injury helps his cause, so the authorities aren't going to sort it out. When I played in the 1950's/60's you would have been laughed off the field for diving. Our trainer used to say 'when a boxer is hurt, he smiles, so if you get clogged I want to see you smiling. Don't let them see they've hurt you'. Pele is one of the greats and really took some stick during his career, particularly in the 1966 World Cup. I think so called 'greats' are diminished if they cheat.

Platini, head honcho of UEFA and who has his eyes on Blatter's job in FIFA, is on record as saying he wants tackling eliminating from the game. Diving and feigning injury helps his cause, so the authorities aren't going to sort it out. When I played in the 1950's/60's you would have been laughed off the field for diving. Our trainer used to say 'when a boxer is hurt, he smiles, so if you get clogged I want to see you smiling. Don't let them see they've hurt you'. Pele is one of the greats and really took some stick during his career, particularly in the 1966 World Cup. I think so called 'greats' are diminished if they cheat.

Matt, many congratulations. I have two sons and two daughters - the best thing that ever happened in my life.

Everton supporter talking to his mate. 'You won't believe what happened to me last night, my daughter walked into the house and said
Dad, cancel my allowance, forget my college tuition fees. Rent my room out, sell my TV and laptop, sell my car, throw me out of the house and write me out of your will.'
'Blimey' his mate said 'she actually said that'?
'Well, not in so many words, she actually said Dad, meet my new boyfriend he's a Liverpool supporter and he's going to get both of us season tickets at Anfield.

If Italy beat Costa Rica and qualify, they will put all their squad players out against Uruguay and rest their top players. Also, Uruguay need to beat Italy to qualify. Can't see any other result than a Uruguay win.

If Italy beat Costa Rica and qualify, they will put all their squad players out against Uruguay and rest their top players. Also, Uruguay need to beat Italy to qualify. Can't see any other result than a Uruguay win.

The current issue of Private Eye has a cover showing the England team disembarking from the aircraft in Brazil. The pilot is saying 'shall I keep the engines running?'

Cornish Steve. 1,000 years? You always were an optimist.

The current issue of Private Eye has a cover showing the England team disembarking from the aircraft in Brazil. The pilot is saying 'shall I keep the engines running?'

David Cameron is visiting America. Barak Obama takes him to a top secret scientific laboratory. Keen to show off, Obama shows him a Time Machine that can accurately predict events 100 years in the future. 'Ask it a question' says Obama. So Cameron asks what England will be like in 100 years time. There is a whirring, bleeping, flashing of lights then out comes a print-out. Cameron looks at it for a few minutes and Obama, getting impatient says 'come on David, what does it say'? 'I don't know' says Cameron, 'its not in English'.

David Cameron is visiting America. Barak Obama takes him to a top secret scientific laboratory. Keen to show off, Obama shows him a Time Machine that can accurately predict events 100 years in the future. 'Ask it a question' says Obama. So Cameron asks what England will be like in 100 years time. There is a whirring, bleeping, flashing of lights then out comes a print-out. Cameron looks at it for a few minutes and Obama, getting impatient says 'come on David, what does it say'? 'I don't know' says Cameron, 'its not in English'.