Zoo 2.0

Great game from JB, love how calm and collected he was throughout the 90. Reminded me a lot of John Stones when he was with us (which sadly then made me feel that Branthwaite will too move on in a few years). I'm sure the board would love to ship him off to PSV too.

He did well when he came on, probably not ready to be a standalone striker so would work better with a strike partner (perhaps that will be Beto?). Bright spark in what is a swamp of shite. Poor lad doesn't know what he's in for.

1-0 down, on comes Keane and some fans in the Gwladys boo him onto the field. Proper weird behaviour.

Holgate should have left years ago. The only attribute in his locker was chewing gum and dossing about. He looked like a real prospect when he signed for us but as time went on the worse he became. Good business to get him out the door, can stink out Southampton's dressing room instead. I'd ideally like us to move on Keane too, but I think Dyche would rather chain himself to the gates of Finch Farm than let his best mate go.

Same, I missed the opener so I should be excited. Anything but at the moment! Think Wolves are more than capable.

"Chermiti" is actually unicorn in Portuguese.

To be fair Twitter (I know it's full of idiots) has been turning on Dyche already. I think with how bad we are, sacking him is probably closer than any sane person would think.

Ironic as 777 is the points deduction we'll likely be facing.

Two goals don't make a season, but a 100% defeat record also doesn't make light reading. I wouldn't mind, but the second game was an absolute bloodbath.

More arsed about a meaningful protest than the game tbh, and it's only Gameweek 3. Anyone other than Seamus Coleman, Leon Osman and the old lady that sells programmes in the Top Balcony can fuck off.

I've never understood how people can ridicule fans for wanting a better Everton. If actually baffles me.

Said before and I'll say it again. Relegation doesn't bother me one bit, what does is that the club I grew up loving is dying and it's getting closer and closer to turning the machine off.

Nonsense. Gnonto shouldn't have signed such a long term deal if he had no intention of seeing it through.

Between injured, a bit shit and not a footballer you mean?

I've lost a lot of love for Everton because our fans are fucking morons. Calls to sack yet another manager, I just can't be arsed. The whole reason I wanted Lampard to stay was because I couldn't be arsed with this groundhog, sacking managers every 12 seconds shite. Add into the mix that the radio are reporting that there's been abuse aimed at DCL and racial hate toward Onana, the modern day Evertonian is something that I just don't want to be associated with. On Dyche, he will get sacked too, as we're absolutely terrible. I think he'll go as early as November.

No morals from United, whispers are very loudly saying that they were going to bring him back. Such a weirdly worded statement too. I'd bet big money that he goes to Saudi.

John McGinn is quality.

Sean Dyche, Frank Lampard. Spot the difference.

We are hilariously bad.

Don't worry lads, Moshiri said we'll get a striker.

It is a penalty, don't get me wrong but how is that different to Onana last week against Wolves? Officiating is absolutely wank in this country. 2-0.

Game over on 18 minutes, I had Villa to win this about 4-1 to fully expect them to kick into second gear now. Really soft goal to concede which is really frustrating, I'm amazed that Pickford hasn't decided to walk away from this shite. Garner throwing his arms up when McGinn was his man is a tad annoying, not too much Young could have done more IMO.

You've only just realised?

I said last week that I think this could be the first season where the bottom three places are absolutely nailed by October/November. I think us, Wolves and Luton may well be cut adrift as early as that. Us and Wolves have worse squads than last season was left with (in our case, an already shit squad) and Luton are just, well, Luton. Sheffield United may be in the mix but I think they'll have enough. They'll grit their way to a 15th/16th finish pretty similar to Burnley.

Being a rat to your boyhood club worked out nicely didn't it, give it 18 months and Claire Balding will be in the same boat. Chelsea > Nice > Luton. You love to see it.