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Chelsea (Away) 15th April


Romey 1878

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What a fucking massacre that was.

We started the game pretty well and should have taken the lead if Beto wasn't as accurate as a cross-eyed person shooting a bow and arrow (it wasn't offside). Go 1 up and it could have been a very different evening for us.

Then they scored due to our defence forgetting how to defend and that was all she fucking wrote. We completely went to bits. Where we'd been pressing heavily until then we completely shrivelled like a ball sack plunged into an ice bath and just let them fucking waltz past us whenever they felt like it.

Defensively it was embarrassing and it was like none of the fuckers had ever come across defending until tonight. The midfield was... well, I've seen more substance to rice paper soaked in a bowl of water. The attack... I'd feel more scared if a child was trying to bite me before their teeth have even come in yet.

Embarrassing fucking effort everywhere. We gave up far too easily on that game tonight and were second to everything. At one point one of their players slipped over and still managed to get up and get to the ball before any of our players got near him or the ball :lol:. Honestly, we looked confused whenever they decided to play quick, one touch football. Hardly surprising seeing as we seemingly don't train using that sort of play so when the opposition employ that tactic we are completely dumfounded.

I am actually ashamed of absolutely everyone that started tonight. Every single one of them.

 

Pickford - He made some saves to keep the score as low as it was but what he did with that pass was embarrassing.

Coleman - Got absolutely destroyed for 45 minutes. Which makes it hilarious that he was only subbed due to injury.

Tarkowski - Absolutely loved the jug-eared bastard needlessly get himself booked to try and make up for being shit. Honestly, I felt much better after it.

Branthwaite - Returned to form last week then regressed to below even where he was at pre-Burnley. He was given the run around by the quick football on display from Chelsea. Plenty of learning to do for him.

Mykolenko - The final member of the non-defending defence. Probably the least shit of the lot but shit nonetheless.

Young - I've never played golf before but I'm more than willing to invest in an expensive set of golf clubs and then use Ashley fucking Young as a golf ball and smash him all over the place. Brought in for his experience? Experience of what? Being shit? We have enough shit in this squad to be very experienced without him.

Onana - WHAT. DOES. HE. DO?!!!!!!!!!

Garner - Contributed massively the big fucking empty space that was our midfield. Actually, call the fucking scientists because we have discovered dark matter. It is Everton's midfield, ladies and gentleman - we know it's there, we just can't fucking find it.

McNeil - Probably the best player on the pitch during the good start to the game we had, then he disappeared somewhere else that wasn't Stamford Bridge.

Doucoure - An absolute passenger. Again. We can't afford a passenger anywhere tbh but particularly not in such an integral position. He's offering absolutely nothing so he's got to be dropped.

Beto - For absolute fucks sake, someone teach him the bastard offside rule. I'm sick to fucking death with him standing 2 yards offside and then looking all gormless when he's flagged as if he can't understand why. If Dom isn't fit on Sunday I still wouldn't play this joker and would sooner see Chermiti given an opportunity even though I don't think he's ready. His first touch is absolutely appalling and his second touch is an attack for the opposition.

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7 hours ago, Deacs said:

They certainly wouldn’t do any worse. We only have to not lose to Forest, Luton and Sheffield Utd and we’re safe. With Dyche in charge we’re losing those games.

unfortunately that's a big only. it's go to the point now that teams smell blood around Everton. Forest and Luton will be look at us winnable games. 

fucking hell do we miss Gana when he doesn't play.

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