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Ian

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An extract from the book we've all been dying to read!

 

50 Shades of Geordie…

 

I knew as soon as I walked through the door from dropping the bairn off at me mothers that I was ganna get some. I peeped through the fist-hole in the living room door and saw the half a rolley burning in the ashtray perched on the arm of me new Bright House corner settee. The telly was turned reet doon, ah cudn't even hear what Lorraine was sayin’about the new fashion for the summer nor nowt. Then I saw ‘im and me heart skipped a beat, he'd obviously had a crisis loan and been down the metro, cos he was wearing fresh new tracky bottoms and a brand new pair of flossies, his rippling white chest peeped out from behind the zip of his superdry coat, that was sexily only zipped halfway up just enough to cover the tack burns, but give me a cheeky glimpse of what was to come.

 

He pulled me towards him and whispered "Y'all reet pet" before plantin’ the lips on me, I trembled under the aroma of Golden Virginia and stale Stella.

He took me there and then, right on the Argos rug whilst our staffy Tyson looked on.

 

He left without a word, but he would be returnin’ soon, with tales of a fight in the job centre queue and his joy at finding a poond coin on the floor of the 54 bus.

 

I tried to settle myself down with a tab but all the while that one question burned in me heart…

 

Would he remember the meat pasty from Greggs?

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The way their football club has been for the last 20 years, it may be a disgruntled supporter.

 

I've never heard of such a thing with that size, what was he looking for?

 

You often hear about Idiots and kids getting trapped in those big recycling containers at retail parks, but never heard of anyone getting stuck in a normal trash bin on everyday streets.

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I remember full well the time before Internet or computers in general, so can appreciate any frustrations. No on line shopping, no catalogues even, if you wanted to purchase something, you had to go out and look for yourselves, and as for fucking 'home delivery' shopping, well that was unheard of. If you wanted groceries, you had to go out and get them yourselves, but there was always the scenario where a friend could make the trip for you. But there was no major retailers doing home deliveries.

 

I don't care if people say they're too busy, that may be true in one or two instances, but to me if reeks too much of - 'I can't be bothered to get off my ass and do my own shopping'

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Going insane today looking at cameras...came into an unexpected few quid this morning so decided to upgrade.

 

Going round in circles....life used to be less complicated pre internet; you just went to a shop, found what you wanted and bought itsad.png .

 

(Because I know you're all desperately concerned about my psychological well beingrofl.gif )

 

I bought a Panasonic Lumix in the end...

 

http://www.pcworld.co.uk/gbuk/panasonic-dmc-fz48eb-k-bridge-camera-black-11374071-pdt.html?srcid=867&cmpid=comp~Google~Cameras+%26+Camcorders~11374071&istCompanyId=9a35962d-802d-4e67-9721-0a3328ca1f02&istItemId=iqlxtiip&istBid=t

 

....just walked into a shop, did a little deal on SD cards & a case (because I could've got it cheaper online), paid over the cash and that was it! No waiting in for a cursed never on time courier or postietongue.png .

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I remember full well the time before Internet or computers in general, so can appreciate any frustrations. No on line shopping, no catalogues even, if you wanted to purchase something, you had to go out and look for yourselves, and as for fucking 'home delivery' shopping, well that was unheard of. If you wanted groceries, you had to go out and get them yourselves, but there was always the scenario where a friend could make the trip for you. But there was no major retailers doing home deliveries.

 

I don't care if people say they're too busy, that may be true in one or two instances, but to me if reeks too much of - 'I can't be bothered to get off my ass and do my own shopping'

 

I'm going to start calling you Dalziel 'I remember' Kane from now on. COYBs[1].gif

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Thought South Park was over playing it, but nope America is really this disgusting.

 

if thats the "beauty queen" child with the chicken-shit father and the disgusting excuse for a mother, i dont want to see it again. Its not even close to being an accurate representation.
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