Zoo 2.0

Had VVD in his pocket all game, if only that naughty Jordan Pickford hadn't snapped his ACL back in 1904 then he would have stood a chance. 

DCL is boss. 

Dyche in a suit, 3-0 Brentford. 

Dyche in a trakkie, 73-0 to us.

2 minutes ago, Matt said:

Is that real? Are we pretty much safe, 8 points clear, with 4 games to go? Did we just send Klopp off with the best goodbye? Did we keep a clean sheet against them and not get fucked by VAR?

I really don't know what to make of all that, I need to go lie down...

I think we've slipped into the Everton multiverse mate. Back on Planet Earth, year 2024 we've just been dicked by a 98th minute Darwin Nunez penalty. 

SO COME ON COME ON GET DOWN TO GOODISON PARK 

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

On 22/04/2024 at 11:56, Matt said:

I'm pretty sure he'll be one of the "assests" we'll look to move on. Ramsdale is being rumoured to other clubs, if Pickford were to go I'd hope we were after him.

Wouldn't touch him with a barge pole, he's a right spunk goblin. Didn't rate him at all with Bournemouth, didn't rate him with Sheffield United and was surprised that he got the level up to Arsenal. 

He's viral and considered a good 'keeper because he turns to the crowd and does a little fist pump when he takes a goal kick. All the kids on LAD Bible love it, as for actually being a goalkeeper he's painfully average - not surprised in the slightest that Arteta dropped him sharpish and brought in Raya.

Genuinely wouldn't have him here, and I'm well aware we're shit too.

32 minutes ago, Btay said:

Great race that by Lando. Stroll is an entitled twat.

He's such a supercharged gimp.

On 14/04/2024 at 20:48, dunlopp9987 said:

Yeah but I'm not even including the 03/04 Arsenal team because they lost in Europe. Has anyone (in the top leagues) ever gone undefeated in every comp?

No - with Bayer drawing against West Ham the other day they've officially been undefeated the longest out of any club in the top 5 leagues of Europe. Nobody has been undefeated both domestically and in Europe across a season either. 

It would be an impressive achievement with Bayern given how long the run has gone on for, its absolutely insane what he's done with Leverkusen who were battling relegation when he took over. 

Despite his ties to Liverpool, I'm so intrigued by what Xabi Alonso does with his career. He's clearly another world class manager in the making.

1 hour ago, Hafnia said:

I just think spurs are pretty scummy in this. The lad was broken, he has praised us for looking after him. What did spurs do??? Flogged him. 

He wasn't good enough and they're a club in and around the Champions League places. Football is a business and they do business well, much better than us sadly. 

His off field issues were not known until his interview with Gary Neville. Spurs were right to move him on, 100%.

The least the team can do is apologise to the supporters that travelled down tonight. 

I'm no fan of Dyche but you give Guardiola the job tomorrow and we're not pulling any trees up. The club is absolutely riddled with fuckery from top to bottom, and this is just a by-product of how bad we are.

4-0. Fuck it I'm supporting Chelsea. 

Hahahaha get in, what a bunch of sticky toffees am I right?! Chelsea Chelsea Chelsea! In Poch we Trust! Drogba, Zola etc.

Just stuck my testicles in the fridge door and slammed it shut which funnily enough was more enjoyable than this shite. 

Spare a thought for the people that went down to London, on a Monday and paid to watch this in the flesh. They'd be much better staying at home and buying a fridge.

Hahahahaha, it's almost comical. Fucking hell. 

2 minutes ago, Hafnia said:

Look at the ball again, leathered it and made it elevate. Hard across the floor and it's a goal 

Professional footballer in the six yard box mate, the cross could have been heading into outer space for all I care it doesn't take a genius to keep it on target.

It was a diabolical miss from a striker who is putting together a catalogue of them.

Don't get me wrong this isn't a shout to sack Dyche, but they can't be playing for him looking at this. Tarkowski and Mykolenko are absolutely tragic for that second goal, musical statues.

Chelsea are actually going to take the piss here too, Palmer is nailed on for a hat-trick, question is does he do it before or after half-time.

Moshiri and that bloke who wears a baseball cap and a suit at the same time - fuck off the pair of you.

I can't be arsed lads. Just fold the club, we are supercharged AIDS.

1 minute ago, dunlopp9987 said:

This might be a bloodbath

Stamford Bridge is always a bit of a bloodbath to be fair. I might be wrong but feels like we haven't won there since 1712.

Don't like getting on players backs but fuck me Beto, looks like someone who's bought a scratchcard a won a prize of playing in a Premier League game. 

Inside the six-yard box and gets it over the bar, hitting it with his fucking knee. Jesus absolute wept. 

Defensively shite also; Branthwaite, Onana, Tarkowski all on toast and Palmer slots it in. Make it stop.

I'm sure people have said this/have been feeling this but relegation is the least of our worries. Even if we survive this season, we're a club on life support. The current owner doesn't want to own the club and those that do can't afford it (and if they did have ownership, would probably be busy asset stripping anyway). It's hard to see where any positivity looks realistic with Everton, it's like we're fighting with all our might to take one step forward whilst an almighty wind is pushing us seventeen steps back.