Vaunt the Good Vibes

[Hafnia]

2 hours ago, Matt said:

Thats what the past year of testing came back with. Adhd, OCD and high potential apparently. Means I'm perfectly suited for my chaotic career for the most part; I'm my most calm in chaos provided I've slept. If I don't sleep, very bad things happen though as I've learnt the hard way these past 4 years. 

I was diagnosed ADHD aged 43.... There's pros and cons.  The Pro is I'm very good at non linear problem solving.... Which lends itself well to my analytical work. The con is that I can't do mundane tasks.

I was prescribed vyvanse and it's basically pharma grade speed..... Very good when on it but I don't bother. 

[Matt]

7 hours ago, markjazzbassist said:

Yeah I’ve learned the same about sleep.  7-8 hours a night is a must now and I will stop having fun/plan activities around it to go to sleep because I have to otherwise It will affect me and my attitude towards my family.  I’m a more calm even and consistent person when I get sleep.

 

that’s interesting about your personality and chaos.  Might even help to explain your music preferences, I know you love tool and sometimes it can be a bit much for me, but all that intense polyrhythms and riffs and stuff brings out the calm in you likely.  
 

ive taken some personality tests recently (enneagram) and it’s really helped my marriage.  Wife thought I was nuts and once she figured out how I work she gets me better and understands where I’m coming from (and vice versa me with her).  Powerful stuff.

Yeah, I'm a huge Tool fan, big prog and metal fan - it does exactly what you say for me. I can listen to music that makes people flinch but just smile for 5 mins because the noise is at least outside of my head. Even when I write for guitar I find it hard to follow any particular time signature, it's just stressful. Build up and then riff dropping is just bliss, a moment of calm and like a load of tension being released. 

Also found out last the other day that my antihistamine caused hallucinations and depression which helped explain a lot of my behaviour last year  Once C understood what my depression and everything else actually meant over the last 4 years or so, we've been a much happier couple. Happy to say I've finally turned a corner (off the antidepressants for 2 months now, no smokes or sleep aids for 5 months and no drinking for 7)  but still needing 10 hours sleep a night otherwise the old gremlins start talking again. Glad you found out your pattern and triggers mate, it's a hard discovery to make sometimes and takes a lot of effort. Props to ya bud. 

 

7 hours ago, Hafnia said:

I was diagnosed ADHD aged 43.... There's pros and cons.  The Pro is I'm very good at non linear problem solving.... Which lends itself well to my analytical work. The con is that I can't do mundane tasks.

I was prescribed vyvanse and it's basically pharma grade speed..... Very good when on it but I don't bother. 

I remember you mentioning it mate. It's a baffling experience being told it, I just assumed that was a thing for kids and that it couldn't be ADHD at 37 But i'd rather be told that and adapt to it than Bipolar2 which was what we initially thought it was. Add the OCD and HP to is and you've got me in a nutshell

like you say, it's got its benefits but when you get those mundane things it's hugely difficult to deal with and apparently was a big factor in my years of depression; I was just never challenged in my work which brought me down some terrifying lows. My new job is an implementation of a computer system (back to my "comfort zone") and people are worried ill burnout again because its 50+ hours a week. They don't get that the time doesn't bother me and is actually good for me provided I'm busy. Simply because my brain is being busied. 

I learnt through my burnout and years since that stress is a power for good too. Everyone seems to think stress is bad. It can be, but it's also a powerful helping agent too. The trick is to identify positive stress and negative stress, cutting down on the latter as much as possible. 

[Hafnia]

9 minutes ago, Matt said:

Yeah, I'm a huge Tool fan, big prog and metal fan - it does exactly what you say for me. I can listen to music that makes people flinch but just smile for 5 mins because the noise is at least outside of my head. Even when I write for guitar I find it hard to follow any particular time signature, it's just stressful. Build up and then riff dropping is just bliss, a moment of calm and like a load of tension being released. 

Also found out last the other day that my antihistamine caused hallucinations and depression which helped explain a lot of my behaviour last year  Once C understood what my depression and everything else actually meant over the last 4 years or so, we've been a much happier couple. Happy to say I've finally turned a corner (off the antidepressants for 2 months now, no smokes or sleep aids for 5 months and no drinking for 7)  but still needing 10 hours sleep a night otherwise the old gremlins start talking again. Glad you found out your pattern and triggers mate, it's a hard discovery to make sometimes and takes a lot of effort. Props to ya bud. 

 

I remember you mentioning it mate. It's a baffling experience being told it, I just assumed that was a thing for kids and that it couldn't be ADHD at 37 But i'd rather be told that and adapt to it than Bipolar2 which was what we initially thought it was. Add the OCD and HP to is and you've got me in a nutshell

like you say, it's got its benefits but when you get those mundane things it's hugely difficult to deal with and apparently was a big factor in my years of depression; I was just never challenged in my work which brought me down some terrifying lows. My new job is an implementation of a computer system (back to my "comfort zone") and people are worried ill burnout again because its 50+ hours a week. They don't get that the time doesn't bother me and is actually good for me provided I'm busy. Simply because my brain is being busied. 

I learnt through my burnout and years since that stress is a power for good too. Everyone seems to think stress is bad. It can be, but it's also a powerful helping agent too. The trick is to identify positive stress and negative stress, cutting down on the latter as much as possible. 

I've been playing lots of chess since November last year, that's quite good.

I do have annoying traits, can't keep my legs still, I'm OCD "pure O" type where I question random thoughts,  songs that I sing in my head that play non stop.... Usually shit ones.  On conference calls I find I waffle.....

But yeah. When I took vyvanse I found that my brain was turbo charged and capable of 30% more .... Made me realise what my true intellect was.  My depression came from self loathing in procrastination 

People with OCD and ADHD should avoid alcohol - it's far too good at quietening things down and the binge is not too far away and nor is the come down and hair of dog cycle. 

[Matt]

29 minutes ago, Hafnia said:

I've been playing lots of chess since November last year, that's quite good.

I do have annoying traits, can't keep my legs still, I'm OCD "pure O" type where I question random thoughts,  songs that I sing in my head that play non stop.... Usually shit ones.  On conference calls I find I waffle.....

But yeah. When I took vyvanse I found that my brain was turbo charged and capable of 30% more .... Made me realise what my true intellect was.  My depression came from self loathing in procrastination 

People with OCD and ADHD should avoid alcohol - it's far too good at quietening things down and the binge is not too far away and nor is the come down and hair of dog cycle. 

Yeah, the music stuck in head is a bloody nightmare. Hence why I got some good headphones to blast metal into my head and scare off the loops. All it does is replace the song in my head though. 

It is funny,  explains why we've locked horns so many times on some topics. We're too alike

 

[MikeO]

1 hour ago, Matt said:

Yeah, the music stuck in head is a bloody nightmare.

I get that, I thought everyone did.

[Matt]

1 minute ago, MikeO said:

I get that, I thought everyone did.

I mean for weeks and months without it abating. Not being able to sleep because that 30s loop hasn't stopped for days. I've got 1 song stuck in my head since early February,  had to listen to it at least 2 times a day otherwise I start getting really stressed and scratching my head until it bleeds. 

[MikeO]

Just now, Matt said:

I mean for weeks and months without it abating. Not being able to sleep because that 30s loop hasn't stopped for days. I've got 1 song stuck in my head since early February,  had to listen to it at least 2 times a day otherwise I start getting really stressed and scratching my head until it bleeds. 

Right, that's a bit djfferent, mine will last for a few hours at most.

[Hafnia]

20 minutes ago, Matt said:

I mean for weeks and months without it abating. Not being able to sleep because that 30s loop hasn't stopped for days. I've got 1 song stuck in my head since early February,  had to listen to it at least 2 times a day otherwise I start getting really stressed and scratching my head until it bleeds. 

If I hear "Thiago" mentioned by the commentators I start singing "all night long" by Lionel Richie ..... Why? Because I used to think the word Thiago is in the lyrics.  That's one example.... Shit eh. 

[Hafnia]

21 minutes ago, MikeO said:

Right, that's a bit djfferent, mine will last for a few hours at most.

Maybe you are part crackers mike - not full. 

[Hafnia]

23 minutes ago, Matt said:

I mean for weeks and months without it abating. Not being able to sleep because that 30s loop hasn't stopped for days. I've got 1 song stuck in my head since early February,  had to listen to it at least 2 times a day otherwise I start getting really stressed and scratching my head until it bleeds. 

I don't get it that bad tbf!  You tried ashwaghandha and fish oils?

After I frazzled my head on social drugs I found vitamins and fish oils very good....

[Matt]

39 minutes ago, MikeO said:

Right, that's a bit djfferent, mine will last for a few hours at most.

Lucky you!

@markjazzbassist,  apparently the genre I'm relaxing to at the moment is called Djent. If you thought Tool was hectic, they've got nothing on this genre. 

[Matt]

47 minutes ago, Hafnia said:

I don't get it that bad tbf!  You tried ashwaghandha and fish oils?

After I frazzled my head on social drugs I found vitamins and fish oils very good....

Multivitamins and oils everyday. Only found magnesium makes a difference to my legs which cramp up a lot less. Rest seem to be a waste of time, although because I'm getting the soluable ones it forces me to drink more water 

[markjazzbassist]

2 hours ago, Matt said:

Lucky you!

@markjazzbassist,  apparently the genre I'm relaxing to at the moment is called Djent. If you thought Tool was hectic, they've got nothing on this genre. 

yeah there is that band, Animals as Leaders, i think they are Djent.  i know the bass tones for djent are very midrange happy and spanky (for lack of a better word) sounding.  whatever does it for you man, happiness is paramount.

[Formby]

Really interesting to hear @Matt and @Hafnia talk about OCD. Not often brought up in the same way that depression and bipolar are. I've suffered from Just Right OCD all my life and it's been the bane of it, to be honest. Been through every therapy to counter it but still firmly embedded. I always resisted taking any medication except sleep aids - the OCD comes on strong at night so sleep is a real problem - and I've never drunk alcohol or taken recreational drugs which may or may not have helped. One thing my therapist said to me which struck a chord was that the OCD may not be the enemy I always thought - it was quite possible that it was protecting me from being overwhelmed by even more intrusive thoughts. Seeing the OCD as a friend was quite a challenge (especially at four in the morning) but it did make me think.    

[MikeO]

3 hours ago, Hafnia said:

Maybe you are part crackers mike - not full. 

Sounds plausible.

[MikeO]

Just spent an hour with three speech and language therapists getting my first esopageal speech "lesson," was bloody hilarious, not going to be easy!

[Matt]

2 hours ago, markjazzbassist said:

yeah there is that band, Animals as Leaders, i think they are Djent.  i know the bass tones for djent are very midrange happy and spanky (for lack of a better word) sounding.  whatever does it for you man, happiness is paramount.

AAL are insane fun, still more calm than some of the others though  

[Palfy]

3 hours ago, MikeO said:

Just spent an hour with three speech and language therapists getting my first esopageal speech "lesson," was bloody hilarious, not going to be easy!

Good luck mate

[MikeO]

3 minutes ago, Palfy said:

Good luck mate

Thanks Palf, it's not something I'm really fretting over because I get by just fine as I am, but there is the odd occasion when a real voice would be useful. I have no intention at the moment of trying to get "fluent" though, 95% of the time I get a very positive reaction from people I interact with day to day, and Josh understands virtually everything I "say" now so once I can see friends/family more they'll get used to it as well.

It's me now and I have no problem with it, there are shitloads of people coping with far worse.

[Palfy]

3 hours ago, MikeO said:

Thanks Palf, it's not something I'm really fretting over because I get by just fine as I am, but there is the odd occasion when a real voice would be useful. I have no intention at the moment of trying to get "fluent" though, 95% of the time I get a very positive reaction from people I interact with day to day, and Josh understands virtually everything I "say" now so once I can see friends/family more they'll get used to it as well.

It's me now and I have no problem with it, there are shitloads of people coping with far worse.

Respect mate, you are without doubt one of the the most selfless blokes I’ve had the pleasure to interact with. 

[Zoo 2.0]

Your optimism is inspiring @MikeO. You should be proud of yourself for the way that you've managed what recent events have thrown at you.

[Matt]

8 hours ago, Formby said:

Really interesting to hear @Matt and @Hafnia talk about OCD. Not often brought up in the same way that depression and bipolar are. I've suffered from Just Right OCD all my life and it's been the bane of it, to be honest. Been through every therapy to counter it but still firmly embedded. I always resisted taking any medication except sleep aids - the OCD comes on strong at night so sleep is a real problem - and I've never drunk alcohol or taken recreational drugs which may or may not have helped. One thing my therapist said to me which struck a chord was that the OCD may not be the enemy I always thought - it was quite possible that it was protecting me from being overwhelmed by even more intrusive thoughts. Seeing the OCD as a friend was quite a challenge (especially at four in the morning) but it did make me think.    

Yeah, OCD really doesn't get the attention it deserves. If people are interested,  I found this link which gives a decent overview without going into too much detail to be overwhelming or boring:

https://medcircle.com/articles/what-are-the-4-types-of-ocd/

I unfortunately tick all 4 of the boxes, but I can relate to your perfection OCD. Seeing it as a strength might be the best way to live with it, or finding a particular job/hobby that you can focus it on maybe? And again, sleep will always be your best friend in my experience. Easier said than done half the time though!

Edit: I tell a lie, I don't suffer the contamination one at all. Was getting mixed up with other bits

[MikeO]

13 minutes ago, Palfy said:

Respect mate, you are without doubt one of the the most selfless blokes I’ve had the pleasure to interact with. 

 

2 minutes ago, Zoo 2.0 said:

Your optimism is inspiring @MikeO. You should be proud of yourself for the way that you've managed what recent events have thrown at you.

Appreciated guys but for me there was really no alternative. 

[Formby]

18 minutes ago, Matt said:

Yeah, OCD really doesn't get the attention it deserves. If people are interested,  I found this link which gives a decent overview without going into too much detail to be overwhelming or boring:

https://medcircle.com/articles/what-are-the-4-types-of-ocd/

I unfortunately tick all 4 of the boxes, but I can relate to your perfection OCD. Seeing it as a strength might be the best way to live with it, or finding a particular job/hobby that you can focus it on maybe? And again, sleep will always be your best friend in my experience. Easier said than done half the time though!

Edit: I tell a lie, I don't suffer the contamination one at all. Was getting mixed up with other bits

Well, the OCD is of great benefit when it comes to writing. Attention to detail and constant (re)editing are hotwired into me.

 I'm not sure if you have kids, but my biggest fear is passing it on to them. The therapist made it quite clear that it could be learned / copied rather than inherited and I have noticed my son demonstrating some ritual behaviour. That worries me a great deal.

[Formby]

Just now, Formby said:

Well, the OCD is of great benefit when it comes to writing. Attention to detail and constant (re)editing are hotwired into me.

 I'm not sure if you have kids, but my biggest fear is passing it on to my own. The therapist made it quite clear that it could be learned / copied rather than inherited and I have noticed my son demonstrating some ritual behaviour. That worries me a great deal.

 

[Matt]

9 hours ago, Formby said:

Well, the OCD is of great benefit when it comes to writing. Attention to detail and constant (re)editing are hotwired into me.

 I'm not sure if you have kids, but my biggest fear is passing it on to them. The therapist made it quite clear that it could be learned / copied rather than inherited and I have noticed my son demonstrating some ritual behaviour. That worries me a great deal.

Well I hadn't really thought of it to be honest. So thanks for that

I've spent so many years suffering from these things but over the past year, having identified them, I have something to work on. It was the unknown/unexplained that used to do my head in, I'm trying to think of them as fuel for something rather than a hinderence. It's a lot of energy going to waste otherwise. 

I can say that calmly and rationally now because I've been sleeping much better recently. Give me a few nights not sleeping and it'd be a huge stress. For now though, it's a good example for my "sphere of influence" activity 

[dunlopp9987]

Some good news to share. After being unemployed for the better part of a year and a half (bar working on a film last summer and a month at a restaurant), I have my first full-time job in forever! I'm the personal assistant to the CEO of a start-up real estate company based in NYC.

The company is growing exponentially, so I'm excited for the possibility of growth/raises. And it's all remote for now, which allows me to still be here in Minnesota, but it gives me a job when I move back to NYC next year, which was something I desperately wanted. 

Only 3 days in but I'm really looking forward to this being the perfect job to pay the bills, while I venture down a new career path in community organizing and outreach. 

Everything's coming up dunlopp!

[Matt]

7 hours ago, dunlopp9987 said:

Some good news to share. After being unemployed for the better part of a year and a half (bar working on a film last summer and a month at a restaurant), I have my first full-time job in forever! I'm the personal assistant to the CEO of a start-up real estate company based in NYC.

The company is growing exponentially, so I'm excited for the possibility of growth/raises. And it's all remote for now, which allows me to still be here in Minnesota, but it gives me a job when I move back to NYC next year, which was something I desperately wanted. 

Only 3 days in but I'm really looking forward to this being the perfect job to pay the bills, while I venture down a new career path in community organizing and outreach. 

Everything's coming up dunlopp!

Very nice, congratulations! 

[Hafnia]

8 hours ago, dunlopp9987 said:

Some good news to share. After being unemployed for the better part of a year and a half (bar working on a film last summer and a month at a restaurant), I have my first full-time job in forever! I'm the personal assistant to the CEO of a start-up real estate company based in NYC.

The company is growing exponentially, so I'm excited for the possibility of growth/raises. And it's all remote for now, which allows me to still be here in Minnesota, but it gives me a job when I move back to NYC next year, which was something I desperately wanted. 

Only 3 days in but I'm really looking forward to this being the perfect job to pay the bills, while I venture down a new career path in community organizing and outreach. 

Everything's coming up dunlopp!

Boom. Nice one mate 

[MikeO]

12 hours ago, dunlopp9987 said:

Some good news to share. After being unemployed for the better part of a year and a half (bar working on a film last summer and a month at a restaurant), I have my first full-time job in forever! I'm the personal assistant to the CEO of a start-up real estate company based in NYC.

The company is growing exponentially, so I'm excited for the possibility of growth/raises. And it's all remote for now, which allows me to still be here in Minnesota, but it gives me a job when I move back to NYC next year, which was something I desperately wanted. 

Only 3 days in but I'm really looking forward to this being the perfect job to pay the bills, while I venture down a new career path in community organizing and outreach. 

Everything's coming up dunlopp!

I read that as working in a bar so took a while to make sense of it.

Nice one, love it when a plan comes together; in the words of Michelle Shocked, New York City imagine that (song popped into my jead when I read NYC)!